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Great increase of fish consumption in China from 600 grams/person/week in 1995 to 850 grams in 2010



BAMS14 18 / 21  
Sep 13, 2016   #1
The line graph shows degrees of consumption in china between 1985 and 2010 (grams/person/week). Overall, consumption fluctuated. In 2010 there are increases consumtion fish and meat while consumtion salt dramatically decrease.

There were intresting phenomena showed by chart, In 2010 fish consumption dramatically increase approxiamtely 850 from 600 in 1995, while salt consumption decrease in 2010 around 200 and meat consumption improve 200 in 2010. Fish consumption was declined in 1995 from 700 to 600 but it was constant decrease next years. salt consumption constant declined years by years from 480 in 1985 to 200 in 2010, it was showed china's citizens did not like salt to being main consumption. Meat consumption double improves from 100 in 1985 to 200 in 2010 it was descibed people in china like meat to consumption. The lines diagram both fish salt and meat showed china's citizen disposed prefer fish than salt and meat.


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Gian16 2 / 6  
Sep 13, 2016   #2
Overall, consumption fluctuated. ( overall, the consumption are fluctuated)
Using more complex or compound sentences, to make your essay more interesting
rosadesiana 38 / 38  
Sep 14, 2016   #3
hi, here are my suggestions..

==> there are increases of fish and meat consumptionsconsumtion fish and meat while

==>meat consumption improves

==>it was showedshownthatchina's citizensthe citizen did not like salt to being main consumption.

==>Meat consumption double improves improves twice/twofold

==>it was descibeddescribes people in china likeprefer meat to consumption.
akbarmappiare 31 / 445  
Sep 14, 2016   #4
Hi Bams..
These are my thoughts about your writing task 1. Meet my notes and review them.


Overall, consumption fluctuated. In 2010 there are increases consumtion fish and meat while consumtion salt dramatically decrease.

Mr. Bams, I suggest you add one sentence in the overview. Each good paragraph has more than 2 sentences so that you can strive to create two sentences for the overview. This is my alternative overview.

OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT FISH HAD BEEN ALWAYS THE MOST POPULAR, CONSUMED BY CITIZENS IN CHINA. MOREOVER, WHILE THE PERCENTAGE OF SALT HAD FALLEN MARKEDLY, OTHER FIGURES HAD WITNESSED A REVERSE TREND.

On condition that you wanna get the score more than 6, you have to make comparisons amongst figure. One of essential elements to achieve the high score is answering the prompt about the comparison of the figures.

I have counted words in this. In fact, its number is on 150 words. Be careful because it is at edge of the number of words. I suggest you strive to write the writing task 1 170-185 words. It will seem that you limit ideas. I believe you can develop that in the next term.

There were intresting INTERESTING phenomena showed by THE chart, In 2010 THE fish consumption dramatically increaseD approxiamtely BY APPROXIMATELY 250 850 from 600 in 1995, while THE salt consumption decreaseD in 2010 around 200 and meat consumption improve GREW TO 200 in 2010.

Salt consumption constant declined years -by-years from 480 in 1985 to 200 in 2010, it was showed THAT china's citizens ...
Meat consumption double improves ESCALATED from 100 (...) it was descr ibed people in china ...

Pay attention to misspelling..

GOOD LUCK


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