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'growing concern'; Work or travel for a year beween high school and university


hungly0610 1 / 1  
Jun 30, 2013   #1
Title : In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Among educationalists as well as parents, there is probably growing concern expressed over the question as to whether or not young children should spend a year on working or travelling before starting university studies. Therefore, it has been, in effect, suggested that it is really necessary for children to work or travel to other places, which does help them feel relaxed and comfortable before doing any plans in the future. This can, all the same, lead to both plus points and minus ones.

On the upside, it is not difficult to find a few, and the following two prove most obvious. For a start, to my knowledge, children have to work themselves too hard to finish their high school, so they need to spend a year on reducing stress, or to say nothing of gaining a huge amount of knowledge about the places they travel to. One further benefit can be that children can have the opportunity to do a job, which as well helps them to experience ups and downs in life, so they will find it more motivating to study at university in a better way.

Turning to the downside, the people concerned need to look into the problems as follows. Most serious of all can be that there are a good few difficulties in coming back to study after a travelling or working year, or to make it clearer, other children will have an obvious advantage over those who do not study for a year will for definite lose a certain amount of knowledge. It is as well worth discussing that children are supposed to be faced with numerous problems, for it does take them a year to work or travel, and thus more often than not effecting their studies later on .

To put it in a nutshell, there is no denying that the practice of taking a year to work or travel after completing the studies at high school not only brings benefits but also results in certain drawbacks. However, I personally believe that should children concentrate on their studying due to the fact that they can have better opportunity to enjoy a better life after graduating when they will have more time to travel from one place to another or do his or her job in an effective way.
kyh8252 1 / 5 3  
Jun 30, 2013   #2
Most serious of all can be that there are a good few difficulties in coming back to study after a travelling or working year, or to make it clearer, other children will have an obvious advantage over those who do not study for a year will for definite lose a certain amount of knowledge.

i would suggest maybe taking a second look at "or to make it clearer" it sounds a little weird when i read this out loud, it may be correct but, it might be safe to go with something like " or to make it flawless" or maybe just switch up the words and say something like " to make it more clear"
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jun 30, 2013   #3
young children

Hi Hung Ly, I don't think high school graduates should be called "young children" anymore. They are around 18 years old.

children are supposed to be faced with

-> face/be confronted

I personally believe that should children concentrate

...they should concentrate

However, I personally believe that should children concentrate on their studying due to the fact that they can have better opportunity to enjoy a better life after graduating when they will have more time to travel from one place to another or do his or her job in an effective way.

This sentence is too long and not very clear.
I hope these may help!
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jul 4, 2013   #5
Among educationalists as well as parents, there is probably growing concern expressed over the question as to whether or not young children should spend a year on working or travelling before starting university studies.

....too long dear....have a more clear and short opening statement which gives the reader a punch!

Therefore, it has been, in effect,suggested that it is really necessary for children to work or travel to other places, which does help them feel relaxed and comfortable before doing any plans in the future.

... you have the tendency to complicate your sentences unnecessarily. That disturbs the clarity of your idea and may even annoy the reader. Keep your sentences clear and interesting!
huyenanh1508 5 / 10 1  
Jul 4, 2013   #6
However, I personally believe that should children concentrate on their studying due to the fact that they can have better opportunity to enjoy a better life after graduating when they will have more time to travel from one place to another or do his or her job in an effective way.

when they have more time


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