Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Work or travel between high school & university; beneficial or unfavorable year

Shokhusrav 10 / 27  
Apr 6, 2014   #1
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and staring university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

In the USA and some European countries, it is common for high school and college graduates to work in a particular job or travel before they can start their study in a university. The interval in studies usually lasts for one year. This year may be beneficial or unfavorable for a student. In this essay, I will compare both advantages and disadvantages of this practice.

Having a job during the interval in study may play a pivotal role in the life of an adolescent. It develops many skills which would be very helpful in the future; this includes experience and developing practical intelligence. For example, working as a waiter or as a shop assistant seems to increase patience and tolerance with other people. Surveys showed that having a good practical rather than an academic intelligence is closely linked to achieving success in life.

In addition, traveling to different cities and countries is also a very helpful experience. For instance, if person travels more, he or she meets many people and sees distinct cultures. This seems to be valuable for sociability, and person feels emotions that he or she would not forget.

On the other hand, this common habit may be seen as a waste of time which would decrease student's study skills gained in schools or colleges. For example, if student would not work by heart or avoid completing his duties during the 'working year'. This attitude would not cause advantageous outcomes.

In summarize, it depends on a person whether working or traveling would be a helpful experience or not. However, it should be known that developing both academic and practical intelligence during the year seems to have the most beneficial effect.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 6, 2014   #2
I like the way you present this essay. Mechanics are good, but the intro needs polishing a little bit

Follow this approach for the intro

This is very good approach.
well, for the task:

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

You are being asked to discuss the issue. And you did it. However, I see you put grandiose ideas in three bodies. Were I you, I would simply write one para for advantages and one for disadvantages, plus one intro and conclusion. Then focus on coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction as well as manage time effectively.

Hope this help :D
OP Shokhusrav 10 / 27  
Apr 7, 2014   #3
Thank you for your help, I appreciate it. I am preparing for IELTS which I have never experienced yet...
Do you think it is possible for me to get 7 or higher?:)
dumi 1 / 6,924 1592  
Apr 7, 2014   #4
Do you think it is possible for me to get 7 or higher?:)

You write very well. So I don't think you have the potential for going for an even higher band. It seems you follow the appropriate structure, however, attend to that and refine it more. Also, do more practice with time to enhance your time management skills at the exam.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 9, 2014   #5
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages

What's then? 4 or 5 paragraphs?
Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some seems inefficient, by writing too many words.

With a 4-paragraph essay, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly, one content paragraph for advantages, and one for disadvantages. This is good for coherence and cohesion between sentence to sentence and paragraph to paragraph, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Home / Writing Feedback / Work or travel between high school & university; beneficial or unfavorable year
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳