Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 5


Hans Rosling took on the task to teach global development for an undergraduate student.



andika08 81 / 73  
Sep 20, 2016   #1
TED Summary : Debunking third-world myths with the best stats you've ever seen

Hans Rosling, he took on the task to teach global development for undergraduate student. He having spending about 20 years at african institute. Has country the highest children mortality? he put them together for the compare the data, so each of country has twice chance mortality for the others. It is bigger of the different uncertainty of data. When he was compared the result, it has differented that result came from many countries. For the example, he put facilities surroundings, number per children per woman, 1-8 since 1962 in all families from all country. Industrial country have a small country and long life. Although, developing country have large country and short life. The slide show illustrate about the increase over the years. However, we don't look just in the data, we find something unusual that chance in asia which one of the reason from the social or economical chance. Another data came or income from people in the world. A new dimensional from social value. For example, huge development variation in Africa, South Asia but different with Afganistan etc. Finally, we have databases to linking the data, produce animation, liberate and search function.

Fitri12 28 / 50  
Sep 20, 2016   #2
Hi Andhika, here a few feedback for you:

He having spending (he has spent ) about 20 years at african institute.

Has country the highest children mortality? (what do you mean?? it is confusing)

for the compare the data (to compare the data/for comparing the data )

Thank you...
Ajid1406 1 / 2  
Sep 20, 2016   #3
hello Mr dika this is some correction for you,,
He having (he has been having) spending about 20 ...
When he was (has) compared the result
When he was compared the result, (.)it has differented (Wrong spelling) that result came from many countries
Industrial countryhave (has)a small country

thank you.
dils 20 / 32  
Sep 29, 2016   #4
Hi Andhika,

As I read your essay, let me give you some suggestions.

1. He having spending abouthas spent 20 years at africanAfrican institute.

2. Has country the highest children mortality? Maybe you can modify this part as "Has the country had the highest rate related children mortality?"

3. he put them together for theto compare the data,

4. so each of country has twice chance mortality for the others. --> this is little bit confusing, maybe it will be better if you change the structure of this part.

5. ... compared the result (compare with what? maybe you can explain) , it has....

6. For the example, he put facilities surroundings, number per children per woman... . It will be better if you make the example easy to understand, it will help the readers got your point.

7. developing country havehas

8. Over all, don't forget to pay attention to the cohesion and flow of each sentence.

It's a nice topic to share. Good luck.
ryan31 65 / 89  
Oct 23, 2016   #5
hai dika
here is my suggestions for you
hope it helps

Hans Rosling, he tookS on the task (...) for undergraduate studentS .

He havingHAVE BEEN spending about 20 years at africanAfrican institute.

it has country the highest ...

When he was compared the result, it has differenteddifferentthat result came from many countries.

Industrial country havehas a small country ...
... country have a large country and short life.

The slide showsthe illustrate about the ...

However, we don'tdo not look just in the data,(...) that chance in A sia which one of the reason from the social or economicaleconomic chance. Another data came or income from people in the world.

thanks


Home / Writing Feedback / Hans Rosling took on the task to teach global development for an undergraduate student.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳