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'health is a primary need' - alternative forms of medicine


wirawiri 2 / 5 1  
Sep 23, 2014   #1
statement :
Currently there is a trend towards the use of alternative forms of medicine. However, at best these methods are ineffective, and at worst they may be dangerous.

To what extent do you agree with this statement.


I agree with the statement. Using alternative forms of medicine is harmful and there is no guarantee that the method will be effective, or sometimes it will be even worse. Malfuntion of using alternative forms of medicine can cause a death or serious illness.

Lack of medical knowledge maybe one of several factors of this trend. Not all of the people understand about the use of medicine, and sometimes they take that way just as what they hear from everybody else. They do not even know what the effects of the alternative medicine are. This bad habit is increasing in non-educated society where people live without any medical facilities or drugstore properly. Another factor is the expense of the medicine. Example, middle-low society that has limited money cannot afford the medicine they need, so they will deal with the alternative medicine which tends to be cheaper.

However, the need of health is unquestionable, people will do everything to be healthy and healedfrom their kinds of sick. This situation will drive the people to say "no matter what", either doctor or witch doctor is the same. If they have money, they will go with medicine, but on the contrary, if they have no money, they will go with the alternative medicine. That is the choice that poor people should make.

In this case, to avoid the use of alternative forms of medicine needs a professional help, like doctors or medical researches, to give advices to the society. Besides, government in each country, especially in developing countries, should build a better medical facilities which is less-cost and easy-to-get.

The mainpoint is ; health is a primary need. The people will not think twice about which is proper, or which is not. They just want to get health whatever it is. Going with the alternative medicine is not all wrong, but it has many risks. Ineffective and dangerous method are some of the bad effects of it, So people need to be more careful.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 23, 2014   #2
Wirawi, your essay is quite good. It looks at the major sides of the issue and you discuss it to the extent of your knowledge. I have some suggestions to make regarding content and grammar though. I will list is below for your reference :-)

I agree with the statement. Using alternative forms of medicine is harmful and there is no guarantee that the method will be effective, or sometimes it will be even worse. Malfuntion of using alternative forms of medicine can cause a death or serious illness.

- Prior to stating your position, you should have paraphrased the prompt first. That would have made the introductory statement a solid piece of writing.
- Misuse of alternative forms of ...

Lack of medical knowledge maybe one of several factors of this trend. Not all of the people understand about the use of medicine, and sometimes they take that way just as what they hear from everybody else . They do not even know what the effects of the alternative medicine are. This bad habit is increasing in non-educated society where people live without any medical facilities or drugstore properly . Another factor is the expense of the medicine. Example, middle-low society that has limited money cannot afford the medicine they need, so they will deal with the alternative medicine which tends to be cheaper.

- ... may be one of... several factors affecting this trend...sometimes they just take medications based upon referrals from other people ... factor is the cost of the ... Lower income people buy alternative medicines because that is what they can afford.

However, the needof health is unquestionable, people will do everything to be healthy and healedfrom their kinds of sick . This situation will drive the people to say "no matter what", either doctor or witch doctor is the same. If they have money, they will go with medicine, but on the contrary, if they have no money, they will go with the alternative medicine. That is the choice that poor people should make .

- ... the need for adequate healthcare is ... be healthy and heal their illnesses . This situation is what drives people to see either a doctor or alternative healthcare doctor. If they don't have money for a real doctor, then they don't have money for real medicines either. So they make the choice to use alternatives instead.

In this case, to avoid the use of alternative forms of medicine needs a professional help, like doctors or medical researches, to give advices to the society. Besides, government in each country, especially in developing countries, should build a better medical facilities which is less-cost and easy-to-get.

- I think you need to explain this statement further in support of your aforementioned paragraph. Merge the two contents in order to develop a stronger paragraph.

The mainpoint is ; health is a primary need. The people will not think twice about which is proper, or which is not. They just want to get health whatever it is . Going with the alternative medicine is not all wrong, but it has many risks. Ineffective and dangerous method are some of the bad effects of it, So people need to be more careful.

- You need to restate the prompt and your point of view in the conclusion. A revision is in order for this part so I will not advice you about correcting any part of this yet. I will wait to see what your revised conclusion might be before I give you advice.
lbhux13 4 / 6  
Sep 23, 2014   #3
I like your essay, but perhaps your first sentence should be something other than "I agree with this statement." Maybe you could add an attention grabber to get the reader interested in reading more. Good luck!
OP wirawiri 2 / 5 1  
Sep 23, 2014   #4
thank you very much...
OP wirawiri 2 / 5 1  
Sep 24, 2014   #5
correction :
I agree with the statement. Using alternative forms of medicine is harmful and there is no guarantee that the method will be effective, or sometimes it will be even worse. Misuse of using alternative forms of medicine can cause a death or serious illness

Lack of medical knowledge may be one of several factors affecting this trend. Not all of the people understand about the use of medicine, and sometimes they just take medications based upon referrals from other people. They do not even know what the effects of the alternative medicine are. This bad habit is increasing in non-educated society where people live without any medical facilities or drugstore. Another factor is the cost of the medicine. Lower income people buy alternative medicines because that is what they can afford.

However, the need for adequate healthcare is unquestionable, people will do everything to be healthy and heal their illnesses. This situation is what drives people to see either a doctor or alternative healthcare doctor. If they don't have money for a real doctor, then they don't have money for real medicines either. So they make the choice to use alternatives instead.

In this case, to avoid the use of alternative forms of medicine needs a professional help, like doctors or medical researches, to give advices to the society. Besides, government in each country, especially in developing countries, should build a better medical facilities which is less-cost and easy-to-get. By this way, people will get the more knowledge and also be more educated about medicine, even though the last decision is theirs.

The main point is ; health is a primary need. The people will not think twice about which is proper, or which is not. They just want to get health whatever it is. Going with the alternative medicine is not all wrong, but it has many risks. Ineffective and dangerous method are some of the bad effects of it, So people need to be more careful to choose the alternative forms of medicine. at worst, it can cause a death. the 'real medicine' still could be the first choice to get appropriate healthcare, so just let the professional and doctors hand in it.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 24, 2014   #6
Wirawiri, let's see if my additional comments and instructions will help clean up your essay even further :-)

I agree with the statement. Using alternative forms [...] forms of medicine can cause a death or serious illness

- This is better. But it still lacks the restated prompt. You need to state the prompt at the very start of the paragraph.

Lack of medical knowledge may be one of several factors [...] Another factor is the cost of the medicine.

-... non-educated societies and where people...

Lower income people buy alternative medicines because that is what they can afford.

This is a separate topic that should be discussed in a separate paragraph. Develop this sentence because this is a key reason for the popularity of alternative medicines.

However, the need for adequate healthcare is unquestionable, people will do everything to be healthy and heal their illnesses.

-... unquestionable. P eople will...

In this case, to avoid the use of alternative forms [...] even though the last decision is theirs.

- This is an unnecessary paragraph. You should immediately jump to your conclusion in order to preserve the impact of your essay.

The people will not think (...) is proper, or which is not. They just want to get health whatever it is .
Ineffective and dangerous method are some (...) effects of it, So people need to be more careful to choose the alternative forms... at worst, it can cause...
the 'real medicine' still could be the first choice (...) and doctors hand in it

-People will not think... just want to get good health... and dangerous methods ... bad effects of alternative medicine.... more careful when choosing alternative forms of medicine. Real Medicine should still be the first choice for appropriate healthcare, so just let the professional doctors handle it.
OP wirawiri 2 / 5 1  
Oct 2, 2014   #7
thanks a lot.
Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Oct 2, 2014   #8
Do not commence your essay with those words such as i agree or disagree, save it for the conclusion :D


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