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(help to review) 'The way that we dress reveals who we are.' What are your views?


Littlethoughts 1 / 4 1  
Oct 12, 2015   #1
'The way that we dress reveals who we are.' What are your views?

First impressions are the hardest to change. The way we dress often play a major role in the eyes of new people we meet. However, does the way we dress really expresses who we truly are? Personally I do not agree to a certain extend.

Uniform plays a huge part in the lives of most students and also certain work industries. Does it mean that wearing a uniform expresses that they are all alike people with the same personalities and character traits? No. Uniforms are made for the purpose of looking professional, to look cohesive as a school or a company. It does not take away a person's character and it definitely does not reveal their interest, hobbies, dislikes and reveal who they truly are.

Secondly, being well-dressed might just be a cover-up. The way we dress could change in a heartbeat but who we are doesn't. A con men could be well-dressed, take interest in you, and pretend to be someone they are not so that they could get you to trust them with your money or certain things they would like to have. Does the way they dress reveal their ulterior motive? I highly doubt so.

Some might argue that the way people dress expresses who they are as a person because if you are horribly dress, it shows the lack of interest and their attitude towards life. On the flip side, if you are polished and well dressed, it shows your eagerness and you take pride in how you look which may be a reflection towards work. I would have to agree to a certain extend but argue that we cannot judge a book by its cover. For example, a people who dresses flamboyantly may not have a flamboyant personality, it is just how they like to dress.

To conclude , I disagree that our apparel choices plays a role to express who we truly are ; one must get to know the person before judging them based on their attire and get to know the real person behind that uniform / outfit.

This is one of my lower scored essay , hopefully you guys can help me review it. Out of 30 how much would you give me ? Also can you give me tips on improving essay writings in general , thanks !

vangiespen - / 4,140 1449  
Oct 12, 2015   #2
Well, I am sure the only reason that you got a low score on this essay was because of the grammatical errors that you made. As far as I am concerned, this essay, due to the logic that you displayed in the discussion, should have scored at least a 25 out of 30. The thought process is clear, understandable, and based upon commonly known information and perceptions about the way people dress. However, you could better position your stand on the discussion by having said "Personally, I do not agree with that perception" instead of saying "I do not agree to a certain extend". There was nothing in your essay that showed that you agreed even a little with the statement made in the prompt so you should have rephrased your opinion to reflect a finality in your decision to take a side.

By the way, the correct term is "To a certain extent." not "To a certain extend." Extent reflects an endpoint to something while Extend means to lengthen something. You definitely wanted to say that you agreed to only a certain degree. Not that you wanted to increase the length of something :-) It's a common mistake made by first time idiom users. You can look it up on Google.

Now, there are some grammatical errors that you need to take note of per paragraph. I'll post the corrections below:

Paragraph 1:
The way we dress often playS a major role in the eyes of new people we meet.
Personally I do not agree to a certain extend EXTENT.

Paragraph 2:
Does it mean that wearing a uniform expresses that they are all alike people with the same personalities and character traits?
It does not take away a person's character and it definitely does not reveal their interestS, hobbies, dislikes and reveal who they truly are.

Paragraph 3:
A con mAn could be well-dressed, - Watch out for those singular and plural forms.
Does the way they dress reveal their ulterior motive? I highly doubt so IT.

* You can actually combine the content of paragraph 2 and 3 in order to create a longer and more meaningful paragraph.

Paragraph 4:
because if you are horribly dressED, it shows the A lack of interest and their attitude towards life.
it shows your eagerness and you take YOUR pride in how you look , which may be a reflection towards work.
I would have to agree to a certain extend EXTENT, but argue that we cannot judge a book by its cover.
For example, a people PERSON who dresses flamboyantly may not have a flamboyant personality, it is just how they like to dress.

* Refer to the rules of singular usage. The word "a" connotes a single entity.

Paragraph 5:
To conclude , I disagree that our apparel choices plays a role to IN expressING who we truly are ;

You seem to be able to write well. You just have a problem with the active voices and plural / singular word usage. I suggest you review those grammar rules and practice using them to help improve your essay writing skills.
OP Littlethoughts 1 / 4 1  
Oct 12, 2015   #3
thank you ! I will work on my grammar ! hope you have a great day ahead ! :)


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