IELTS TASK 2 - High crime rate in youngster is parents and teachers responsibility

Topic :
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologist claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

In these days many teenagers have involved in huge crime case. Several expertise in psychology believe it happened due to lack of emotional and social training from their parents and teachers. Even though media-rich society also contributes, I definitely agree with that psychologist statement.

Every house has at least a television nowadays. We almost spend all of our leisure time to watch the television, and without our awareness we have been affected by that TV programs. For instance, harassment program on screen such as wrestling competition and criminal case investigation are having severe influence on the viewer. Porn industries also have a significant portion on this. Especially on the teenagers who still looking for their identity and have tend to trying on what they watch. As the results, the rape that it does by the teenagers sharply increase at the same time as electronic media develops these days.

On the other hand, I would argue that parents and teachers are being the most responsible person in this condition. Teachers almost spend 42 hours per week of their time to keep in touch with the student in a class. Moreover, parents who have much more time than a teacher in children life has an immense portion in responsibility of children behavior. They can teach their youngsters children from the small things like helping people in the street or showing them a respect to the elderly people. When the parents or teacher do some good, the children will follow and it will have the same effect in the opposite.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that both of parents and teachers have the most significant portion in teenagers crime rate. Where possible the parents can accompany their child when he watches a movie.

ok bayu, let me give some suggestions on your passage

I definitely agree with that psychologist statement
it should be "psychologist's statement "

Especially on the teenagers who still looking for their identity and have tend to trying on ...
remember in present perfect, you have to use verb 3
and after to please use verb 1
Especially in the teenagers who still looking for their identity and have tended to try on

As the results, the rape that it does by the teenagers sharply increase what has by the teenagers sharply increased at the same time as electronic media develops these days.

thanks, hopefully it can helps