IELTS: the high sales of goods & power of advertising - 'what we buy is up to ourselves'

Hi everyone,
This is my first IELTS essay and I really need some comments so that I can know how to improve. If you can also give me a score I would be really grateful^^. Thank you so mcuh!

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the arrival of new technologies make advertising more common in our daily life and can even influence consumers' decisions. While advertising is certainly persuasive, I believe that what we buy is up to ourselves and those high sale of goods surely reflect our needs.

On the one hand, advertising creates needs in society and can even be misleading to some extent. Advertisements have strong effects on consumers in some way as it stimulate unconscious and deep-seated motives. Sometimes, they use successful people or popular idols to pass the message that those are the latest trend and manipulate us to follow. Their methods result in consumers buying something they don't really need.

However, advertising can only persuade us but can't decide for us. Firstly, advertisements inform us about the various choices we have, the general images about the brands but those are not decisive elements of whether to purchase or not. Individuals have own ways to judge and one thing in common is that they mainly depends on needs. Secondly, if we did buy an advertised good and found no use, we won't buy it again and our friends and relatives will know about this good which will never make it a bestseller as a result. Finally, the mass media leaves us a wide range of ways finding out the qualities and functions of goods so that we won't be easily mislead by advertisements' exaggerated images.

In conclusion, it seems to me that those goods sell well are in real needs of the society instead of the effects of advertising.

Nowadays, the arrival of new technologies make advertising more common in our daily life and can even influence consumers' decisionschoice .
With the use of technologies, advertising becomes persuasive that it can even influence the consumer's choice.
..in some way as it stimulates unconscious and deep-seated motives.


I like this sentence- somewhat tricky!
Firstly, advertisements informgive u s about the various choices we have
...ways to judge and one thing in common is that they mainly depends on needs.
...that we won't be easily mislea d


This is a very good stand!

Thank you for your correction!


I guess some of my senctences are not idiomatic enough,and I'll work on it. Helped a lot!

Does it mean I need to write a relatively long introduction? Or that I misunderstood you?
Because an ex-examier,Simon, posted some advice about task 2 on his webside and said the introduction should only include two things, a sentence that introduce the topic, the other give a clear and simple opinion.

No, it should not be long. It can be two sentences (if you don't have the hook, which is not as important as the other parts of the intro) or three (hook, background, thesis)

So, as per Simon, it is the background and the thesis. That's quite acceptable, but your essay would look more presentable and appealing if you have a hook also included. What I suggest to you is that to begin your essay with the background (introduction of the issue) and continue your essay. If you get time after completing the essay, include a hook.

Thanks for your explaination! I get it and I'll practice more according to you advice!