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IELTS writing task 2: High sales is a result of powerful advertising, not real needs of society.

daominhhang 1 / -  
Aug 10, 2018   #1
Hi everyone, I am a newcomer, just finished my work and want to have some comments to improve my writing for the upcoming Ielts exam.

Please leave comments, sincere thanks!

the power of advertising affects customer's behavior

Topic: Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

My essay:

In business world, one of the critical factors in boosting sales is advertisement. The big impact of advertising on sales leads to a strong belief that, the high sales is a result of powerful advertising, rather than of real social demands. I partly agree with the statement, which means, though sales revenue is affected by advertising, it still reflects the actual customer needs.

Firstly, alluring advertisement greatly draws attention of audience, which encourages them to purchase more goods. In increasingly competitive industry, companies attempt to create inventive commercials to enhance customers' brand awareness. For example, knowing that public figures have a widespread impact, producers use their images as an effective way of advertising products. The audience tends to imitate their favorite idols, so they are willing to spend money on the advertised ones regardless of their actual needs.

Secondly, good advertisers know well about human psychology in general and their interest in particular, thus enhancing sales. Take an advertisement of Channel perfume for instance, it is touted that, if men wear an aromatic perfume, they would have a high chance in seeking their beloved partners. Given that love is always a common interest, advertising agencies take that advantage to make their commercials more attractive than ever. Consequently, more people are tempted to buy items.

However, some people might argue that, in the context of ubiquitous advertising, it is totally the consumer's decision of whether to buy those products. Admittedly, not every audience is attracted by captivating advertisement. In fact, when it comes to buying patterns, wise consumers still take into account their affordability first. Therefore, they would prefer allocate money for their basic needs than spend on advertised items to keep up with the latest trends. No matter how vibrant the advertisement is, the consumers could still be able to make their own buying decision.

To conclude, the great effect of advertising is undeniable, but social needs also decide the sales revenue. It is true that power of advertising affects customer's behavior, but consumers should be wise enough to judge which items are indeed worth buying, thus making reasonable decision.

Red Moon 14 / 32 6  
Aug 13, 2018   #2
Hi, I have some suggestions for your essay.
Overall, your essay is very good and easy to read. Your paragraph is well-structured and your essay have a lot of complex sentences as well as academic words, which are correctly used most of the time. You may get a high score in the real IELTS exam.

As the person above states, you should use more phrases to express your opinion in the essay. Moreover, you don't need "I partly agree", just write:

Though sales revenue is strongly affected by advertising, it still reflects the actual customer needs.

There are just some small mistakes that I have found in your essay:

In the business world

strong belief that, the

I don't think that there should be a comma after "that".

alluring advertisements greatly draw attention from audience[/R]

In the increasingly ...

high chance of finding their partners

take that advantage of that

how vibrant the advertisement is
"Vibrant" is used when we want to describe a bright color or a strong sound. I wouldn't use it with advertisement.

could still be able to make their own buying decisions
"could" and "be able to" mean the same thing. You don't need both of them in a sentence.

thus making reasonable decisions

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