'homeschooling offers their children more' - Essay Introduction

Please help me, I am stuck. The following is the introduction to my compare and contrast paper that I have decided to do on traditional schools versus homeschooling. I need some pointers to make the introduction paragraph stronger, providing a thesis statement and essay map. Any help would be greatly appreciated and always accepted. Sincerely, Danie.

The education in our traditional schools has been on the down slope for many years. Disillusioned by the inability of traditional schools to provide high-quality education to their children , parents have taken initiative to educate their children themselves. They believe that homeschooling offers their children more one on one time, they can tailor curriculums to their belief systems, and they will increase the bond with their children.

Introduction paragraph help to a compare and contrast essay.

Good afternoon. I was given an assignment in my comp class that has do with compare and contrast. I chose homeschooling versus traditional schools I was wondering if the following was a great introduction or should I change it around. The requirements for the essay are below.

**Opening paragraph requirements are to have the following: Provide examples as to how the two concepts differ, offer a strong thesis statement and essay map as well as be catching to the reader's attention. Any help is greatly appreciated and always accepted. **

HERE IT IS...

The common schools system that was established by America's founding fathers has, for a long time, been considered the basis for providing students with a strong educational foundation. This system of traditional schooling, however, has three significant drawbacks. In traditional schools, children are faced with many social pressures, are taught based on a school district's beliefs and values, and receive a minimal amount of individualized instruction. Increasingly, parents are homeschooling their children in order to avoid the major problems that plague public schools in America. Arguably, homeschooling at its best is superior to public schooling because it allows for greater flexibility in how learning is accomplished, provides more consistent individualized attention, and allows the chosen curriculum to be based on a family's own beliefs and values.

I think its pretty good. There is a strong thesis, providing 3 examples, and its very arguable.
I think you whould work on how to get readers attention. You should provide real life examples.

I am pretty satisfied with your comment but I was wondering if you could elaborate on providing real examples as well as grabbing readers attention? Just trying to do well and any help is greatly appreciated.