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Writing ielts task 1 about housing cost



hoangllll 1 / -  
Oct 25, 2020   #1

houses' cost in Britain



The bar chart elucidates the different houses' cost in Britain of each five years, meanwhile the pie charts illustrate the proportion of people who possess or rent accommodations or use those as homes in the period from 1980 to 2005.

In 15 years since 1980, it witnessed a relative stability in the price of houses, which had a gradual augmentation from about 20.000$ to approximately 60.000$. In this period, the percentage of each people group was also kept nearly unchangeable that those having second home and owners respectively made up for about 8% and 35% when ones renting places to live outweigh the others.

However, in the next ten years after 1995, the price underwent a dramatic increase, particularly around 100.000$ in 2000 and eventually fourfold in 2005. Furthermore, the tendency of utilizing houses changed considerably that most people, 53% of the total, personally possess a house and ones paying money to have a short-term place just contributed an extremely small amount, about 3%.

I hope I can receive sincere and helpful feedbacks, because my writing is still very bad.
Thank you for your comments.
( every number i listed is 100% true, all i need is about vocabulary, grammar and other perspectives of ielts scoring :))

indahristya 2 / 4  
Oct 25, 2020   #2
Hi! To be honest, it's quite difficult to imagine Task 1 without the illustration but I'll try.

For the first paragraph:
1. Meanwhile is used in the beginning of a sentence. You may use 'but' in the middle.
2. I think you can use 'from ... to ...." without in the period.

In the second paragraph, you may use this term 'In the ... years since ...' or just use 'Since ...'
I'm unfamiliar with 'kept unchangeable' because usually I use 'remain stable' / 'keep constant'/ 'level off'.

For the third paragraph, you may use 'in the next ... ' without 'after....' If the data is past, don't forget to use the past tense.

All in all, for the context, since I could compare with the data, ensure that you inform the critical points only.

Sorry if there are any mistakes and good luck for your test!


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