IBT essay - Study for free at the university

The followings are my topic and essay. Please review it for me! Can I earn 3/5 mark for this essay?

Thanks for reading it & have a good day,

Tuan.

A university education should be provided free of charge to all interested scholars.

The university education plays a very important role for a country. It educates and trains work forces for the near future of a country. So, the policy of university education is always attracted interests of the society. I think interested scholars should be charged for their education, because it's very difficult to improve and develop the university education with money from the government.

We need a lot of money to maintain and develop the university education for buildings, equipments, salary and many others. But the government's budget can not afford for many universities of a country. Therefore, they must self control their finance. The school fee is the main income of the universities; they need it to improve education quality.

Furthermore, the salary of professors is rather low. This is the reason why education can't attract many talented people. In my country, professors' salary is from two hundred to three hundred dollars a month. It's not enough to spend for many essential things of their life. The school fee can be used to increase their salary and to recruit good people for education.

However, the government should have the support to students who want to study at the university but can't afford for it. Students can loan money for their food and lodge and they will pay back after graduating several years. By this way, everybody has opportunity to enjoy university education; also, the universities have money to make their system more and more efficient.

In conclusion, the university should charge the school fee so that they can provide the high quality education environment for the society. With the school fee and government's support, the education system will be improved over the time.

I suppose you should use more active voice.

for example:

'So, the policy of university education is always attracted interests of the society.'

I think it's better to write as:

'So, the policy of university education always attracts concern of the society.'

Also, I think your topic sentence can be more powerful.

Maybe:

In order to fully develop the potential and maximize the effect of university education, we should charge the interested scholars---the fund offered by government is far from enough.

For the most part, your sentence structures are sound, but you sometimes make incorrect word choices.


This doesn't make any sense at all to me.

However, the government should have the support to students who want to study at the university but can't afford for it. Students can borrow money for their food and lodging, and they will pay back several years after graduating several years .

I don't understand this sentence either. The first paragraph is confusing to me.

i really believe you are straight forward and to the point

Thank you all for posting reply.

I don't write essay in English much, so my writing skill is not good at all. I can learn from the mistakes & improve my English over the time.