IELTS - the idea of talking about students behaviours.

Here we go! my second essay ever...

Just explaing to you guys why I am following someone else essay. My ideia is to go online here on the Forum, see a topic and start writing. Because at the day of the test sould be the same, I can not predict what they will ask me to write.

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior.
What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Many say that the world has changed over the years and the human behaviour has changed together as well. Human behaviour has been changing, perhaps following several changes that our culture, life and many essentials things, which we need to live, have been changing. Together all of this, our children have learned and lived more changes than ever before. Despite the fact that school should be considered such as children's second house, has it came along with the world's changes?

Schools how it used to be, with more rules to follow than attractive subjects, to catch children attention, could have been the cause of many students problematic behaviours. Due to, students normally under 21 years old, tend to have a challenging mind. Moreover, children and teenagers under severe rules, may revolt against these ones, teachers and directors.

Even tough, most of the problems with students are reported in schools, bad behaviours could have started inside children's house. Problems in family lead to children intolerant behaviour at schools. Not present parents, who do not provide enough attention and do not teach their children, tend to create no respectable people.

To summarize, more attractive schools, which have more trained teachers, to provide more enthusiasm for students, also creating flexible rules, to go along with world's news trends. In addition, parents who better look after their children, teaching them politeness and no many family problems. It Should decrease some problems that schools have had with students behaviours.

Hello Jose!

First of all, I'd point out that your essay is below the minimum word limit specified by IELTS for the task 2 of the writing section. Your word count is 244 (min. words required is 250), and you will definitely lose marks for that.

Human behaviour has been changing, perhaps following several changes thatin our culture, life and many essentials things, which we need to live, have been changing.


There is something wrong with this sentence. I've tried and failed to fix it. Maybe, someone else will help you out.

Despite the fact that the school should beis considered such as children's second househome , has it camecome along with the world's changes?

Schools how it used to be, with more rules to follow than attractive subjects, to catch children attention, could have been the cause of many students' problematic behaviours. (interesting point)


Here is a suggested correction: Normally, students under 21 tend to have challenging minds. When put under severe rules, they may revolt against the ones making these rules, that is, the teachers and the directors.

Even th ough, most of the problems with students are reported in schools, bad behaviours could have started inside children's housetheir homes . (another good point)

Problems in family may lead to children behaving intolerantly at schools

Not presentWorking parents (although "not present" can mean a lot of things, for the sake of simplicity, I've replaced it with "working"), who do not provide enough attention and do not teach their children, tend to create no respectable people. (Did you mean, "tend to raise undisciplined children"? )


This is an incomplete sentence. What do these schools do for the children?
Don't repeat "more" so many times.

In addition, parents who better look after their children, teaching them politeness and no many family problems tend to raise children who don't have many behavioural problems at school. (Is that what you meant? Because it was another incomplete sentence.)

Write a different concluding sentence. This one doesn't fit because you have not suggested any steps to confront the problem of student behaviour. You have just reflected on some observations.

...has changed together as well.

Human behaviour has been changing, perhaps following several changes that our culture, life and many essentials things, which we need to live, have been changing. ---- don't let the sentences get out of control and long... if too many details make the sentence awkward, get rid of some. Don't bite off more than can be chewed.

Human behaviour has been changing, perhaps because of several changes that took place in our culture pertaining to what we need in order to live. life and many essentials things, which we need to live, have been changing.

It Should decrease some--- don't capitalize unnecessarily.

Here is a tip for you to use: The most important sentences of the essay:

First sentence of first para: this is where the reader decides if she is interested.
Last sentence of first para: this is where the thesis statement usually is, so the reader says,"oh, now i see what the essay is about."

First sentence of each body paragraph: these are topics sentences that show why the thesis statement is true.

I suggest to use some specific examples to support your viewpoint in each paragraph.