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IELTS essay feedback, regarding the idea of talking about power of advertising.


jcmorais 3 / 5  
Aug 8, 2010   #1
Hi writers, I have just decided to do a MBA and due it I have to get the IELTS certificate to achieve this goal. I have wroten some essays in the english school, but not to do the IELTS, so then please find bellow my FIRST essay ever, regarding the idea of talking about power of advertising.

Nowadays advertising is such a common term either in business or personal talks almost every single released product must to be advertised. In addition products must have a marketing campaign, which depending on the product or the brand can involve huge amount of money. The power of advertising in changing our mind is a controversial subject however, the impact of advertising can not be ignored.

Most of the global bands, in particular sports, cars, and dinks ones, have done massive marketing campaign to release a product. They have contract global or local celebrities to attractive costumers' eyes and rise the sell's number. Moreover, having done survey and dealing that well done marketing campaigns could increase profits as well.

From a different angle, how it could be said that advertising can change our mind, when thinking about buying or not a product. Furthermore, people should have not said, a custom have not be influenced by an advert, if it has been done with their prefer celebrity and in their country, even more if it has been choice among cheaper options.

In conclusion, marketers by their surveys have agreed that advertising a product could, in fact, increase profits. Also they will carry to do it and spend even more amount of money contracting celebrities to take part in adverts. Even though adverting's power is a controversial subject, the marketing world has agreed it can change customers decisions, perhaps by the fact people wish were their idols.

Regards,

Jose Carlos

Zubaida 18 / 35  
Aug 8, 2010   #2
I think you should insert comma here:
Nowadays, advertising is such a common
In addition, products must

and a period here
a controversial subject. H owever, the impact

I think you need to use a verb instead of an adjective:
They have contract global or local celebrities to attractive costumers' eyes and rise the sell's number.
lin54390 5 / 9  
Aug 9, 2010   #3
Also they will carry on doing it and spend even more amount of money contracting celebrities to take part in adverts.

Even though adverting's advertising's power is a controversial subject
power cannot be a controversial subject,
maybe u can change into " even though the power of advertising has both positive and negative effects"
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Aug 10, 2010   #4
Hi Jose,

You can achieve your goal. Like many bilingual people, you have mistakes when you write in English. However, if you keep your sentences short you can do well.

Look at this:
Nowadays advertising is such a common term either in business or personal talks almost every single released product must to be advertised.
This is good, but it can be better with shorter sentences:
Nowadays advertising is such a common term, either in business or personal talks. Almost every single released product must to be advertised.

By practicing here at EF, you will improve your skill. Let's do another one:
They have contracts with global or local celebrities to attract customers' eyes and increase the number of sales. rise the sell's number . In sentences like this one, you make small mistakes, but if you keep your sentences short it will still be easy for readers to understand.

As you prepare for the test, practice with short sentences so that you can easily see your errors.

Practice typing all the corrections people make for you here. I'm glad you are participating!
OP jcmorais 3 / 5  
Aug 10, 2010   #5
Thanks everybody for the help. I will follow the advices and write more.

Regards,

Jose.


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