Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0] - SERVICES

 Home / Writing Feedback   ✓ % width Posts: 2

# Ielt writing task 1 The table below shows key data on the demographics of 4 different countries

gio1999pt 1 / -
Mar 17, 2019   #1
Topic:
The table below shows key data on the demographics of 4 different countries.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where reelevant.

## population GDP/capita (\$ USD) Average life expectancy

China 1 357 000 000 6807 75.2
Russia 143 986 000 14 987 72.3
USD 318 875 000 53 681 69.2
UK 64 937 000 41 787 81.5

Content:
The table compares 4 different countries in term of 3 features: population, GDP per capita and average life expectancy.
While China has the greatest population, USD and UK gain the highest rate about GDP per people and average life expectancy.
Out of 4 different countries, the figure in the table shows that China's demographic is the highest, over 1 billion. The second country after china is USD with 318 875 000 people. UK has lowest populatioon which is approximately half of population in Russia. In the term of GDP per capita, although China has the highest population, GDP in this country is the lowest. People in USD gain highest rate about GDP per capita, at 53 681 \$ USD. Two coutries have GDP per capita in the middle are Russia and UK, in which UK is higher than Russia.

It is clear that UK has highest average life expectancy, at 81.5 years old. Life expectancy in Russia approximately equals to China one, at 75.2 years old. The country which has lowest average life epectancy is USD, nearly 70 years old.

Maria [Contributor] - / 503 218
Mar 22, 2019   #2
Gio1999pt,

On a technical level, I would suggest looking into studying more about proper punctuation, subject-verb agreements, and grammar. Things such as oxford comma and knowing when to use particular terms can increase your academic credibility.

For instance, the first sentence could have been:
The table compares 4 different countries in terms of 3 features: population, GDP per capita, and average life expectancy.

I also suggest that you look into utilizing synonyms more into your essay. This can assist you into making your paper put-together. Also, be wary of your usage (or the lack thereof) of articles or modifiers.

Derived from your third paragraph, I could make this revision:
People in the United States have gained the highest rate of GDP per capita at approximately \$681 USD.

If you can notice, I referred formally to the country rather than simply inputting the data present in the table. This can also structure your paper better because you would have more of an organic flow. Having data in a graph to analyze does not mean that you have to necessarily copy and paste from it to dissect the details.

Furthermore, I would also suggest to have more consistency in the writing style. This means that to avoid confusing the readers, you could perhaps refrain from alternating between their placement in the table and what the country is also called. This will result to a harmonious paper overall.

Best of luck.

 Home / Writing Feedback / Ielt writing task 1 The table below shows key data on the demographics of 4 different countries