First, I have a request for you. Please post your IELTS essays under "writing feedback" category and also provide us with a more meaningful topic (what's you've got to type in "subject" field)
This would help you get more comments too :)
, it is very sad that many people even ...
... you need to make that qualification because not everybody is under poverty line.
lead led to ... various communitiessections of the world, ... advanced space technologiesstudies are worth investing or not.
.... It is better if you include something to say that money should be spent on more important activities that help raise living standards of humanity.