IETLS General Task 1: You have taken apart time job. issue with them and its solution

Recently you took apart time job? After few weeks you realize there were some problem with your part time job.
Explain why you took the job? Describe the problems that you encounter? Suggest what could be done about them?

Dear Sir,
I am writing to inform the problem which I am facing since recently in continue my part time job as typist in our office. Though I am engineering student going, I was able to manage my working hours and college hours as both are at different timing as well as located at the same area.

Unfortunately, in our college my entire department was shifted to our new building at Alexandra road which is 10 km far away from our office. I am afraid, whether I will be to continue my work and studies on time without any issue due to the lengthy travel time.

As you aware that I am definitely in need of a part time job in order to meet my financial expenses which is main reason besides this part jobs for the past few weeks.

It will be better enough for me if you could consider me to transfer my work location to another office branch next to Alexandra road and it was only 2 km away from my new college building.

I hope there will not be any issue on this as far I am doing my duty efficiently.

Yours faithfully,
Tom

.... this has several grammar issues :(
I am writing this letter to inform you about the difficulties I am currently experiencing with my part time job as a typist in your office.


Earlier I was able to manage my studies with part time working without any problem because I did not have any issue with timings and location that didn't clash at all.

Unfortunately, in our college my entire department was shifted to our new building at Alexandra road which is 10 km far away from our office. I am afraid, whether I will be to continue my work and studies on time without any issue due to the lengthy travel time.

Unfortunately, our department of college was entire shifted to a new building at Alexandra road which is 10 km far away from my work place. I am afraid I can't continue my work and study at the same time without any problem due to the long shuttle time.

I am now developing a fear that I would not be able to cope with both study and work due to the distance I am now required to travel that consumes lots of time.


As you are aware


I find too many grammar mistakes in this task response. You need to be very careful with that and should not let it go out of hand. My suggestion for you is to write shorter sentences. Avoid too much details and give priority to your main idea.

This sentence should be coupled with the previous one. I mean they should come together;
I am sure that you understand the value of this part time job for me because it helps meet my financial requirements in a great way. Therefore, I would be very obliged to you if you could arrange a transfer for me to work in your branch office in Alexandra Road which is only 2 km away from the new college building.

There are some grammar mistakes in this letter and hope you would take care of them. :)

Thanks Dumi and Jimmy.
Could you please suggest some ways to improve my grammar?
I am in need of working on grammar, to use a better language in my writing.

Thanks Pahan. please find my above question and suggest me a better possible way. T

It is not necessary to mention this in you first baragraph. First paragraph basically tells the reader what is the purpose of the letter, and who you are in some instances. It is best to place all the details on your second paragraph.


First of all this sounds rude for me. Secondly, you should also mention how the company can benefit in the process of transferring you to another branch for them to consider your case.

Thanks Gmad06 Got your suggestion.