Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 7


IELTS: Impacts of Technology and its crucial part of our lives



April April 13 / 147  
Aug 19, 2012   #1
Some people fear that technology is gradually taking over control of our lives, while others think that it has led to many positive developments in all aspects of their lives.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinions.

Nowadays the whole world is moving from the paper age to the technological age with the introduction of a wide array of modern devices. This has led to a dispute over whether techonology is controlling our lives or it has brought about positive advancements to human beings. This essay will express my views on both these opinions.

First of all, it cannot be denied that to some extent, techonology is taking stock of our daily lives. For example, in many big shops, surveillance cameras are installed in order to prevent thieves. However, some people feel that this intrudes into their privacy and that they are uncomfortable when shopping with a camera recording their every move. Furthermore, many stores offer membership cards with which customers receive discounts on special occassions, but to own these cards, shoppers must provide basic personal information to store owners. As a result, their lives might be disturbed or even controlled if bad people could somehow hack this information.

Nonetheless, I am of the opinion that despite some negative impacts of technology, it has in fact created many positive changes to people's lives, a few of which are improvements in security and communication. Some people might think that the use of cameras causes discomfort to them, yet I would argue that this can prevent robberies or in case crimes occurred, it could help with the identification of the culprits. Besides, thanks to the invention of the Internet and mobile phones, communication has been made easier than ever. It is now possible for relatives and friends who are away from one another to contact regularly without having to wait for months for letters to be delivered.

In conclusion, it is indisputable that techonology has become a crucial part of our lives, and it has both negative and positive effects on us. Nevertheless, I believe that the benefits of technology outweight its drawbacks, and if we can make use of technology in the right way, there is no reason why it cannot improve humans' living standards.

Please give me some feedback. Any comments are appreciated!

amitt - / 80  
Aug 19, 2012   #2
Also we receive sms text messages/company's marketing representative call at any time (24x7) for selling their product/hacking of personal or company computer which clearly shows how the privacy is interrupted
OP April April 13 / 147  
Aug 21, 2012   #3
Thanks Amit for the idea!
Will more people take a look at my essay please?
OP April April 13 / 147  
Aug 23, 2012   #4
Thanks Binh a lot for the corrections!
As for the question: "the" + plural : is it correct,
Thao ?? --- I think it depends, and for this one, 'human's living standards' with 'the' just doesn't sound right to me.

Overall what are other things I need to improve? I mean with the essay as a whole?
Malavika 2 / 4  
Aug 23, 2012   #5
I think the+plural is correct.

For example, The people. isn't it correct?
OP April April 13 / 147  
Aug 23, 2012   #6
@Malavika: yeah well the + plural is definitely correct, but it depends on the context that you have. If you're talking about sth in general, then there is no "the", but if the subject is already identified, then the+plural is correct. :D
vikki 3 / 5  
Sep 24, 2012   #7
nice work but you have stressed only on security ..
technology is a general term and so it requires mentioning of other recent innovations.
technical advancement has brought a great change in the means of communication, so mentioning about internet, mobiles, and other day to day innovations is needed


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS: Impacts of Technology and its crucial part of our lives
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳