An important skill for a person in the world today (using a computer)?

hello everybody,

here is my practice of toefl essay. i 'd appreciate any comments and suggestions.
Thanks a lot.

the subject is What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to be successful in the world today? Choose one skill and use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Nowadays we are living in a technological world, which is opened to be developed. In my opinion the most important gadget in recent days is computer.Thus the most significant skill for a person is using professionally and deeply computer. Computer usage is like an obligation for several people.

First of all, several people work with computers, not only computer engineers but also bankers and secretaries. You can make too much things in the computer easier than classic methods. For example, a banker pratically manage his/her customer' accounts on the computer screen. A secretary could write down weekly reports and send via e-mail to her/his boss.

Secondly, people can provide their needs from computer because of the internet, which brings the whole world to your door. For instance, people could easily do online shopping while they are sitting among the computer. Thus, a computer makes spare time to other things suc as enjoying, making sports, getting interested in what they want, in order to waste their value time to shopping from grocers, butchers.

Finally, as a social meaning computer gives to the person an amazing area. We can send visual present to our friends to celebrate their birthdays. Moreover, we can chat with people all over the world. And, one of my friend married with a girl, who met from a social network.. Another social network, called as Facebook, is being used by millions of people all around the world. These examples reflects the importance of computer usage.

In the sum up,i strongly belive that learning how to use computer is the most essential proficiency in our current life.

Nowadays we are living in a technologicallyadvanced world, which is opened to be developed.--------I do not understand what you mean by "which is opened to be developed". I feel your sentence has better clarity without this part.

In my opinion the most important gadgetdevice in recent days is computer.------"gadget" is not the appropriate word here since it usually refers to a small device that performs or aids a simple task. Computer is a more complicated equipment. Thus the most significant skill for a person is using professionally anddeeply computer professionally .

Computer usage is like an obligation for several people.-----Again your idea is not properly conveyed to the reader.
My suggestion;
Today we live in a world of advanced technology where computer literacy has become an important life skill for any person. For example, one needs to know how to operate a computer to check his or her e-mails. Therefore in my opinion, literacy in computer applications is one important skill that a person should possess in order to be successful in life.

First of all, several people work with computers, not only computer engineers but also bankers and secretaries. ----- I feel this sentence is weak because this is a too obvious fact. You should write something to arouse the curiosity of the reader. Therefore you can ignore this whole sentence and start with your next sentence.

You can make toomuchdo things faster and more conveniently by using the computereasier than classic methods .--------Here you have a good point. Yes, computers make your life easier in contrast to many manual processes.

the subject is What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to be successful in the world today? Choose one skill and use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Nowadays we are living in a technological world,(no comma here) which is opened to be developed. In my opinion(comma) the most important gadget/SKILL in recent days is computer LITERACY.Thus(COMMA) the most significant skill for a person is using professionally and deeply computer. Computer usage/LITERACY is like an obligation for several people.

First of all, several people work with computers, not only computer engineers but also bankers and secretaries. You can make too/SO much things in the computer easier than classic methods. For example, a banker pratically manage his/her customer' accounts on the computer screen. A secretary could write down weekly reports and send via e-mail to her/his boss.

Secondly, people can provide their needs from computer because of/THANKS TO the internet, which brings the whole world to your door. For instance, people could easily do/GO online shopping while they are sitting among/IN FRONT OF the computer. Thus, a computer makes spare time to/TO DO other things suc/SUCH as/: enjoying, making/PLAYING sports, getting interested in what they want, in order to waste their value time to shopping from grocers, butchers/THIS SEN MAKES NO SENSE.

Finally, as a social meaning computer gives to/ the person an amazing area/computer benefits people so much. We can send visual present to our friends to celebrate their birthdays. Moreover, we can chat with people all over the world. And/as a vivid illustration, one of my friend married with a girl, who met from a social network.. Another social network, called as Facebook/called facebook, is being used by millions of people all around the world. These examples reflects/reflect the importance of computer usage.

In the sum up/to sum up,i strongly belive/believe that learning how to/learning to use use computer is the most essential proficiency in our current life.

De Silva and chu tuan phong i appreciate your corrections and opinions.
Next time i will be careful about these statements.
Thank you so much.