Impossible to make a significant contribution without strongly influenced by past achievements

Hi All,

Please help me out with the feedback on the essay given below

Topic: In any field of endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Essay:

In any field of Endeavor , it is important to learn the prior inventions and advancements in a particular field in order to gain profound knowledge in that field. The statement is debatable as some may agree, while some may disagree. This essay supports the the statement as without gaining the knowledge and contributions in a particular field, one can not succeed in the same.

To begin with, to build any structure the foundation should be solid and steady. Similarly, to make any contribution any field it is very necessary ti build the solid foundation about the subject. For instance, in the field of physics, Albert Einstein is known for formulating the Theory of relativity. However, in order to make such an invention , he would have gone through the basic laws of motion and gravitation invented by Sir Isaac Newton. Therefore learning from past achievements could be a prerequisite for an individual to make contribution in any field of endeavor.

However, learning from past achievements does not mean being strongly influenced by the same. To elaborate this with an example, when all the computers had the keyboards in world, in order to interact with the Operating system. Apple had created a computer with keyboard and mouse, to make people simply use mouse instead of remembering tedious commands for interaction. If apple had been influenced strongly by the past advancements, they could not have been able to think creatively. Hence, while learning the past inventions in any field one should avoid stereotyped mindset and not let the past inventions restrain the creativity.

To summarize, it is important to go though past inventions and advancement in any field of endeavor, however it is equally critical to keep the curiosity alive, that will allow an individual to think out of the box and make significant contribution in any field of endeavor.

This is not a proper noun. It should be written in lower case letters.


You are not using the correct synonyms for the phrase "past achievements". You are referring you a more STEM focused discussion when the original presentation was using a general reference to cover all possible fields of interest.


Use the first person pronoun in reference to whose opinion is being presented and why throughout the essay. It is clear from the original writing instructions that you are expected to write from the first person point of view with regards to this topic.

The reasoning paragraphs are once again, STEM based. therefore you are not aligned with the discussion requirements of the paper. You have written your response based on a prompt deviation which might prevent you from getting a higher score than this current would receive. I am not confident that you would pass the test actually, since you are writing from a field specific point of view when the writing instruction was that of a general field. It may affect your final scoring consideration in terms of Task Accuracy considerations.

@dixitswarnika
Your essay makes a strong argument for the importance of learning from past advancements while encouraging innovation. With some minor improvements in grammar and phrasing, it could be even more effective. Overall, it's a thoughtful and well-structured piece.