[TOEFL] INCREASING THE PRICE OF GAS AND ELECTRICITY IS WISE, IN MY OPINION!

TOPIC: The only way that Government can improve the environment is to increase the price of gasoline and electricity.

measures to save energy

In recent years, a hotly-debated issue whether the price of gasoline and electricity should be increased by the Government remains inconclusive. While the majority of people argues that the Government should not do so, some still voice their approval for that proposed policy. In my opinion, the cost of gas and electricity should rise.

To begin with, increasing the price of gas and electricity means saving a huge amount of energy. As a matter of fact, gas is extracted from deep-ocean energies, and electricity is also generated from electrical power. Therefore, if the Government increase the price of them, they will be able to restrict the abusive use of gas and electricity among inhabitants as a whole. Thanks to this policy, the factories have to cut down on the amount of gas and electrical energy they can produce because not so many people demand a great amount of gasoline and electricity any longer. Consequently, a huge amount of gasoline and electrical energies is sufficiently saved. For example, in Scandivanian countries, the amount of gas and electrical power remaining in the environment is relatively high. The reasoning behind this is that their inhabitants have refrained from gasoline and electricity because of the high-priced energy sources, and currently those countries enjoy such a fresh and energy-sufficient condition.

Secondly, the high-priced gasoline and electricity force people to find alternative powers. These alternative powers are considerably cheaper to produce than gasoline and electricity combine. Additionally, those energies are far environmental friendlier than gas and electrical power. Take solar power as an example. Solar power has already been embraced by so many countries. Clearly, it overwhelms the benefits of gasoline and electricity. Solar power shows its endlessness, its inexpensiveness and its safety to human beings since human relies on it for survival. As a result, such inhabitants have ended up generating it and regarded solar power as a main source of energy. If it were not for its advantages over other energy, people would keep on consuming gas and electricity without paying much attention to their harmfulness.

In conclusion, I think the Government should raise the price of gas and electricity. Otherwise, energies will not be sufficiently saved.

Thank you in advance for spending time fixing this essay! I hope you all can contribute some ideas to improve my essay!
Look forward to your comments!

Minh, I am sad that you did not include the complete prompt requirements for this essay and instead chose to only present the discussion topic. As such, I am not sure about the method by which you should be presenting this essay for discussion. From the way that you presented the paraphrasing in the first paragraph, it seems that you were supposed to discuss both points of view and then give your opinion? Am I right about that? In which case, you did not accurately discuss the prompt requirements because you did not use public opinion to discuss the matter and you only focused on the pro discussion instead of presenting a balanced pro, con, then opinion discussion. Your paragraphs are too long and go beyond the 5 sentence maximum for discussion paragraphs. Your presentation, though long and informative, doesn't accurately present complex sentences due to the grammar accuracy problems. With this problems existing, it is still your task accuracy that worries me the most because that is the part of the essay that proves your ability to properly understand English instructions. Please post the complete prompt requirements next time you ask us for a review. That means, present the topic sentence and the discussion format required so that the review of your essay can be more accurate.

@Holt thank you for your comment on my post! In response to your question, The prompt requirement asks "Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Use examples and details to support your answer". So sorry that I failed to post the requirements.