IELTS - Influence of parents is fading; 'unable to render enough time'

Do you agree with the following statement? Classmates are more important influence than parents on child's future..?

It may indeed be true to say that childrens, nowadays, are influenced to a greater extent by their schoolmates rather than by parents.I believe classmates have an Immense impact on child tomorrow as compared to their parents which can be a result of the sense of competition at school and parents have little time for their children.

Generally, It is felt by many that classmates are the major influence on children's overall development and consequently their future as they spend most of their time with them at school.The teenagers period is such a malleable stage in children's life that they can be easily moulded , and as many believe, their tomorrow really depends on what they do today.In addition,a children mostly imitate what their friends do, and if they have good friend circle, it can actually be a gift for that child.These teenagers can actually learn a lot of skills from their friends at school.For example, If a child has a friend who is inclined towards sports, that child can actually develop interest in sports because of competitive feeling that grows with his friend and become world renowned sportsman someday.Bad influence of friends can, on the other hand, totally destroy a child's future. By this I mean if a child get involved in drugs because of the companion they have.Hence,it can be said school friends have a major affect on child's future.At the same time, lack of quality time from parents towards children is promoting this phenomenon, which is actually making school going kids more dependent on their friends for guidance and other needs.

In addition, many argue that because of the busy schedule parents have, they are unable to render enough time to their children.Sometimes, the only time they meet, is at the dinner table.This not only creates a distance between them, but also compels them to become totally dependent on their friends for physical or emotional support, which is finally responsible for shaping their future.Therefore, most of the time, especially in the developed world, classmates can have a huge influence in a child's life.

In conclusion, although parents are considered to be the first teacher of a children, nowadays this trend is seen somewhat fading.I agree childrens are being influenced a lot by peers rather than by parents and their future is a result of this influenced to a large degree.

... why do you say competition is a reason for this ? I don't get your point ; you better describe because it is difficult to relate to this issue. Also I think parents having busy schedules is a more important reason that everybody would understand.

Also I wish you break up this sentence to two ;
I believe classmates have an immense impact on a child's future compared to their parents. This can be a result of parents having less time to spend with their children. ...(I didn't include the competition part because I didn't understand what you meant)

Thank you very much pointing out my mistakes in the essay and I got your point ,,,,may be I am not able to put it in the right way.I mean to say there is a sense of competition in the class either in sports or academics or in other extracurricular activities and childrens always try their best to become the best which parents are unable to inculcate this feeling or a drive in a child and this is only possible when one works with other or in a group,,,, I hope you will help me with correcting other parts of the same essay...

I am really scared of my part 2 task and it always gets me a heart attack when ever I start to attempt task 2,,,, n its driving me crazy ,,,,I have idea but am unable to put it in the right way... kindly help me please

Okkkkkkkkkkk...now I get what you try to say....However, I still cannot perceive this as a reason for children getting closer to there peers. I think the possible reasons would be

1. Parents spend less time with their children
2. Peers are of similar age group so that they have lots of things to share with each other such as their interests, hobbies, feelings etc. On the other hand parents are more matured and they have matured ideas that children can hardly understand. So naturally , the peers are favored over parents.

Your essay structure is good, also vocabulary is good... Good Luck!

Thanks DUMI again ... : )

Here is my second essay...kindly correct it please ,,,

The use of CCTV cameras on streets, stations shops and other public places has increased rapidly in recent years.although we are told that these cameras help in the fight against crime, some people are opposed to their use.They believe that everyone has a right to privacy.What are your views?

Pls post this essay in a new thread!