What influence people's personality more - born-characteristics or their experience?

Research indicates that the characteristic we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in life.

Which do you consider to be the major influence?

Each person has their own characteristics in their lives. As such, born-characteristics in people, as per some experts, influence people's personality more than their experiences. However, I personally argue that people who have any experiences are more influenced for people's personality because people can achieve some information by surrounding they live in.

People's first characteristics have much more influences on their personalities because they have genes which are stronger in their soul, when they are born. For instance, talkative born children definitely will grow up with that image which has been known by people around them. This is because their characteristics seen from their behavior. As a result, they think that personality is part of their lives which makes them hard to change their born habits.

However, some people believe that experiences build many of people's personality. First, people tend to imitate what others do because sometimes they need to develop a personality they like. Also, people might have no other choice but to build up a new characteristic. It can be caused by a strong pain that they could not handle. Not only this, experiences become one of important thing that can affect people's personality since they can value more about the meaning of life.

To sum up, it seems to me that even though people's first characteristics have affect for people's personality, people's experience is becoming the major affect which develop people's personality and development. It is imperative that people should know what experience that can improve their personality.

However, I personally argue that people who have any experiences are more influenced for people's personality because people can achieve some information by surrounding they live in.

This sentence could be corrected by the following: However, I argue that people's experience are more influential on their personality because they can receive information by the surrounding they live in.

If you look at the corrected sentence you will see that I shortened it to elicit a clearer meaning. This allows the reader to breath, and to follow what you are saying. To say you personally argue is redundant. Any argument you make would be personal, from you. Do you know what I mean. That is the meaning of the word personal. And what you are trying to say is that the experiences influence the personality, not the reverse. I think that needed clearing up.

You might even want to rewrite this further by saying "the surrounding in which they live", thereby not ending the sentence with a preposition, which is more proper English! To sum up, it seems to me that even though people's first characteristics have affect for people's personality, people's experience is becoming the major affect which develop people's personality and development. It is imperative that people should know what experience that can improve their personality

I think your conclusion is weak, because it needs the following edits: To sum up, it seems that even though people's first characteristics affect their personality, their experience becomes the major affect which develops this.

Your concluding sentence is repetitive in it's use of words. Try to avoid wordiness, because this makes for a slower read. Also, use of the correct verb form is very important. This also lends strength to your argument.

In general I think you did a good job, of making your point, but the writing weaknesses I addressed need to be looked at.

ef_carol

Some sentences show redundancy. I try to help you write a succinct introduction. For this prompt, let me give a try;


Everybody is unique by personality. The supporters of this argue that personality influences experiences that lead occupational success. Yet, I would claim that experiences are more important since they shape people's characteristics.

Overall, it is well-done. Make sure that you write this into 40 minutes. If you could, then I think this is good news :D
Thanks,
eddy suaib