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Information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand (in the period of 200 years)

HelenN 5 / 10 3  
Jun 22, 2021   #1

IELTS Task 1 - birth and death rates in New Zealand

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given graph illustrates the dynamics of the birth and death rates in New Zealand during the period of 1901 and 2101.

According to the graph, the birth rate, although it shows some fluctuation, was noticeably higher than the death rate and reached its maximum in the year 1961. However, it is projected that the death rates continue to grow exponentially and are predicted to surpass the birth rate in 2041.

Comparing the birth rate prior to the 2000s, the numbers started at 20,000 in 1901 and rose dramatically during a 60-year period and finally exceeded the peak of 60,000 by 1965. After some fluctuation in 2010, the number later plummeted and followed a descending trajectory for the rest of the period.

Conversely, the death rate increased gradually every year with a starting point of less than 10,000. Since 2001, the number climbed from 28,000 to nearly 60,000 in shortly 40 years. It then steadies at a rate of 58,000 after the year 2061.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,263 3976  
Jun 27, 2021   #2
Using the phrase "given graph" is still not very much changed from the original " the graph below". It is still close enough to a memorized phierse. This is the last time I will remind you about image identifiers and its importance in these task 1 presentations. Perhaps you do not believe me or, you don't take my advice seriously.

i won't waste my time trying to guide you since you obviously don't care about my observations and advice for improvement. Perhaps you have another teacher which is why you could care less about my opinion. Please, stop wasting my time and ask your real teacher whose advice you believe in more, to assess your essays. I don't have the time to waste on you.

This is a continously evolving graph. That means the reference timeline phrase is "continuing timelines of 1901 to 2101" as representative to the past, present, and projected information. The correct timeline reference provides an easily understood and relevant discussion point.

the death rates continue to grow

This is a future prediction that should include the auxiliary verb "will" in it to indicate the correct timeline flow.

The rest of the essay basically has the same problems I have referenced and tried to offer you corrections on in the past. These repeated errors are frustrating for me as the consultant as I perceive you to be either choosing not to apply the corrections for your own improvement, because it runs counter to the teachings of your other tutor or, you just don't care about the quality of your work. In the case of you having another tutor, I will not be able to help you due to our different teaching styles. It would be in your best interest to not have 2 writing advisers so you don't confuse yourself in relation to developing your own writing style.

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