IELTS task 1: International students graduating from universities in Canada

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I'm preparing an IELTS exam. I need feedbcak. Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource and Grammar.

Question:
The graph below shows the percentage change in the number of international students graduating from universities in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006.
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Answer:

The chart provides information regarding a comparison in percentage of overseas graduate students from universities based on several regions in Canada from 2001 to 2006.

According to the graph, in 2001 there were just about 3-to-7 percent graduate pupils from abroad per each region in Canada. However, the following years, the percentage of the overseas students were about 3-8 percent higher than those in 2001.

A more detailed look at the graph shows that both in 2001 and 2006, New Brunswick broke a record as a province in Canada with the highest overseas graduate students: nearly 7-to-13 percent, followed by Nova Scotia and Quebec where came second and third in the all provinces. Indeed, in 2006 universities in British Columbia officially allowed international students to graduate with more than double its percentage in 2001, from just above 4 % to around 10%. There was the highest increase of the other regions.

Having been presented in the graph, Alberta was not as popular as three provinces: Manitoba, Newfoundland & Labrador and Ontario, perhaps decreasing international graduation from its universities, from 2001 to 2006!

Clearly, by comparison with the other provinces in which the percentage of foreign scholars was getting increase over the five-year period, the proportion of the international students in Alberta showed the reverse.

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The bar chart compares international graduates in percentage terms from universities in seven regions in Canada in two separate years, 2001 and 2006.
I think you should write an overview after the introduction. This is to mention the most significant features of the chart before going to details in following paragraphs.


These two sentences are not quite clear as readers may not know whether there is any notable difference between two ranges of figures you stated above (as they are quite similar). You could simply write one sentence about the upward trend and this could be used in the overview.

There was a gradual increase in the proportion of international students from 2001 to 2006.


There is still a gap between the figures in 2001 and 2006. If you write like this, it seems that the figures are quite close to each other and the increase is not clearly described.


which experienced a decrease in the percentage of international graduates
I hope this helps!