The Internet is known as one of the greatest inventions as it is truly advantageous to human beings

The advantages of Internet

The Internet is known as one of the greatest inventions in the modern world as it is truly advantageous to human beings in every aspect of life. Despite its disadvantages, people still prefer it because of the following benefits.

First of all, the Internet has changed how people communicate because the birth of emails and social networking applications such as Facebook, Whatsapp, Instagram .... have enabled people to contact each other faster and easier. Moreover, these applications are simple and convenient to use for people of all ages and backgrounds. Additionally, it is an enormous source of knowledge and information in all fields (life, work, study....). Also, it helps overcome geographical distance by offering learners online-course or applicants worldwide job sites. Last but not least, no one can not deny the amusement of it. Everyone, for example, just stays at home and enjoys the world through movies, music... which are easily found on the websites. Similarly, shopping online has reduced much customer's time and effort because of connected contribution and payment channels.

In summary, The Internet has become an indispensable part of human life because of how it connects people and accompanies us in working, learning, and even entertaining. Therefore, we had better make effective use of it; otherwise, its disadvantages may outweigh the supposed advantages.

It is supposed to be "no one can not deny"
Overall your essay looks pretty good to me.

@Dustin
Thanks a lot, I didn't notice that.
But, do you think it is accepable in an ielts writing to use round brackets for examples? "Additionally, it is an enormous source of knowledge and information in all fields (life, work, study....)"

I don't think so, but you can change it to
"information in all kind of fields such as life, work and study"

@Dustin
Cause I don't want to repeat the structure "such as" so I use round brackets instead.
I'll try another way then

If you would still allow me to insert my review of your essay since you seem to have settled on unofficial review of a fellow student, I would like to present my opinion of your work. Of course you may choose to ignore my opinion since you already hold the review of a fellow, untrained student in high regard. You may take my advice or not. The choice is yours.

It appears that you did not discuss the essay based on a proper restatement of the original prompt. I believe the original prompt was:

Some people say that the internet provides... Which view do you agree with?

So the original discussion is focused on the great amount of information the internet provides in comparison to the problems that the access to that information creates. Which view did you really agree with? That of the internet offering tremendous amounts of information or, that the access to this information is a bad thing? It was not about the disadvantages of the internet and the benefits it actually offers. I believe that you have discussed the wrong prompt and actually, given a wrong prompt restatement as well. That is because the original prompt, and other prompts similar to it, based on the same topic, all follow the same discussion instruction and format, which you totally altered in terms of content and approach in your presentation. This could result in a lower than expected TA score for you, which would be a disadvantage to your essay presentation.

Never use ellipses in a formal, academic essay. It is not good to leave the reader wondering about what you have to say. That punctuation mark is only useful in creative writing essays. Using the bracket is acceptable in the essay, but do not use it more than once. Repeating the use of brackets will limit your GRA score. Use several sentence structures and presentation variations throughout to increase your scoring potential. Make sure you use the different presentation formats properly though, avoid repetitions so that your GRA score will not be negatively affected in the end.

@Holt
I appreciate your comment on my punctuation marks as well as sentence structures. I'll keep that in mind.

About the wrong prompt you pointed out, I just want to say that this is only a part of essay to show how I arrange ideas for advantages of the Internet and that's the reason why not the whole essay to give clear disscusion between the good and the bad sides of it. Also, I know the openinng and the concluding paragraph is a bit ambiguous.

So Can you give your feedback on the coherence and cohesion of my ideas about the advantages?

Thanks