IELTS Writing Task II The internet has transformed the way information

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?

Enormous number of people believe that the internet has been imposing people to give and take an information. Surprisingly, there are large number of negative impact for the human being. However, the society can take steps to address such drawbacks. These problems and solutions will be obviously explained in paragraphs below.

Surfing in the internet is a phenomenon that brings great convenience and efficiency. But, there are some potensial risks that presented by this phenomenon. Firstly, social media involves personal information that most people enable to see. If the user carelessness, anyone can have access to that information. Secondly, it is obvious that there is a sharp rise in the number of cyber crimes. More and more ciber crimes such as human selling and prostitutions are committed via the internet. It is well-known as ciber crime, for example, recently there is a accident that someone was hacked a billboard to show unpleasant content in south Jakarta. Finally, an internet-addicted person tend to be isolated, self-centered and unsociable. They have no much time to make a face-to-face communication.

To answer the problem in previous part, there are three sollutions that might solve the problems. From government side, the authority can make a regulation to inhibit demerit of this strugle condition like a rule that give maximum punishment to suspect of ciber crime. Next, the drawback of internet can be reduced by combination between government and technology. It could be a center office that authority possessed. It can inspect the user that potentional to do an illegal movement on the virtual world. But apart of previous sollutions, education is a vital aspect to minimize the disastrous effect of internet. People that using internet have to know what the benefits of internet that can help and what the drawbacks that can degradate their life.

To recapitulate, government, technology and education have essential role to deal with decreasing effect of using internet.

Dear writer, allow me to give opinion.

... large number of negative impacts for the human being. However, the society can take some possible steps to address such drawbacks.

... potensial risks that arepresented(caused) by this phenomenon.
... most people enable to see it . If the user is carelessness, anyone can have access to that information (in my view better if you explain little bit about why if someone else uses the information such as if the user is careless, potentially someone else will be able to use his or her personal information irresponsibly like hacking the credit card and so on) .

Secondly, it is obvious that there is a sharp rise [...] time to make a face-to-face communication. (I think that this part should be clear more, you have to make sure what are the examples of cyber crimes. In my view, human selling (human trafficking ) is not a cyber crime, it should be that crime uses the Internet in an effort to persuade the prospective clients )

====)))) In conclusion, from my point of view, it is better if you create longer (ideally, 3 sentences)

overall, I love reading your writing. It is interisting. Keep writing and do not give up.
Regards,

Matareng!!!!!!!

Dear writer

Surfing in the internet is a phenomenon that brings great ...
But, there are some potensial (potential) risks that presented by this phenomenon -> Personally , the alternative vocabulary could provide more efficient discription to improve your band

More and more ciber (cyber) crimes such as human ...

recently there is a accident that someone was hacked a billboard to show ...

Some word shuold be replaced by some academic vocabularies if you want to raise your band and minimize the grammatical errors

Regards

Hello Brother
Let me give you some advices

Surprisingly, there are large number of negativeimpact >> of negative impacts

But, there are some potensial >>but, there are some potentials

If the user carelessness >>if the user are carelessness

there are three sollutions >> there are three solutions

It could be a center office that authority possessed >>they can create special institution which has authority to monitor users' activities

keep writing

Hi Mathew, as I go through the essay, I must say you have a well managed essay and it is quiet long for the task at hand, however, what I need you to focus on in creating or writing is the words that you associate in your sentences. Makes sure that you ,incorporate words that are easy to comprehend, believe me, reading an essay and understanding it is already a task to overcome and if you couple this with words that are completely out of the ordinary or something that the readers has to look up to get the meaning and understand it.

What I'm trying to say is, you don't necessarily have to put or include words that are not the usual, though, it's not bad to experiment but it will still be great and advisable to stick to the usual words in order to convey the message you are trying to get to your readers.

I hope the insights help and should you need further information, do let us know so we can assist you further, I believe you are able to address the prompt and managed to have a well rounded essay and with the remarks and suggestions above, I hope your revision is a lot stronger than the original one.