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Writing Task II IELTS : Some people perspectives about Libraries and Internet to obtain information

SarlindaDS_27 42 / 52 5  
Nov 20, 2016   #1
Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that spend some expenditures to build libraries is only the useless action when today we can use the internet to gain the latest information. This essay disagrees with the statements and believes that libraries as the ones of the substantial media to find the information. This essay will first discuss why the internet is not the best solution for wide to get the information and then talk about how the libraries are more benefit for general people, followed by the reasonable conclusion.

The Internet is not affordable for the general people, mainly who are lives in the villages or for them who have the limited income. However, the fulfillment of the internet necessity need some money and other support facilities such as the appropriate access for it. According to Telecommunication Statistic of Indonesia had revealed that the percentage of people who have been using the internet rise to 69% but it not covered all of the areas in Indonesia. Only the people who lived in several big cities and around it who used it as majority. Additionally, the consumer of internet also dominant for certain people who have the wealth income.

However, the presenting of the libraries will be more suitable for general people which covered the countryside. As the example for showing that libraries are more achievable and affordable for general people especially for the minority people who have the low income. In 2015, several new had published that the libraries today are more flexible than before. Some volunteers in Yogyakarta have been building the new libraries by used the minibus which can be operated until to the remote areas of countryside. By this action, more than thousands of the children and adults who still illiterate and less facility in education can be more helped.

To sum up, it may be true that several benefits of the internet can help people for gain widely information as much as possible, but there are some people who still cannot get it easily. So, there is no other best alternative in spread the information by reading books in libraries.

(349 words).
Pramudia27 34 / 55 2  
Nov 20, 2016   #2
... believes that libraries asis the ones of ...
... benefit for general people, AND followed by the ...

... in the villages or for themTHEY who have ...
However, the fulfillmentfulfilment of the internet necessity ...
... internet rise to 69% [NEED COMMA] but it not covered all ...
Additionally, the consumer S of THE internet [the internet==>there is just one in the world, so article "the" is needed] also dominant for ...

firstly, you should reduce the length of your writing.

break a leg indahhhhhhh ((:
alfinkurnia 33 / 47  
Nov 20, 2016   #3
Hello, this is my tips for your writting. feel free to correction me too

But there are several correction from me such as:
1. if you write for writing test 2 in IELTS, Maximum word you must write approximately 250-265
2. keep your idea to topic don't Jump from one idea to the next
3. Combine with paraprase word
4. is better not many Repeat words
5. using connection word
5. If you knows idioms, you must using it, it can improve your score

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