Unanswered [1]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


The invention of computers is one of the most significant inventions all the time. Academic IELTS



otgon 2 / 3  
Jun 11, 2019   #1

computers are most important invention?



Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


One of the remarkable inventions in human history is the computer. Throughout the years, computers have been implemented or upgraded tremendously since their first invention and have been widely used in everyday life throughout the world. Relating to the computer invention, not only many significant technological and technical innovations has been brought to our daily lives, but also computers help us to complete processes easily. Therefore, I completely agree with the statement.

Computer's invention has been brought many significant changes for doing actions easily in every aspect of business, science and human life. Using computers allows people to complete tasks easily within few seconds and makes the way of doing things completely simple. For example , the calculation for large set of numbers can be easily completed by computers within in few seconds, in case, without computers it might take several hours or days to complete. This way, computer helps us completing actions easily and accurately which makes our daily lives more efficient.

Moreover, based on computer's innovation, many technological and technical innovations have been developed and used widely in human's daily life. Technological innovations based on computer allow people to communicate and access to the information without considering the distance. For example, using world wide web and social media sites, people now can easily acquire information they need, explore the knowledge and exchange ideas with people around the globe. With the help of technical innovation based on computers, such as video camera and microphone, people now can communicate easily with people around the globe by seeing and talking like an face-to-face meeting.

In conclusion, computers makes human's life more easy than it was before an centuries ago. Nowadays, computers has used in every sectors and every day's life. Therefore, I consider the invention of computers is one of the most significant inventions all the time.

Dang Khoa 11 / 41  
Jun 11, 2019   #2
Your essay is really well done to be honest!!! But some words are used too much like "easily", "complete", "technological innovations" and more :V !
Like this part: many technological and technical innovations have been developed and used widely in human's daily life. Technological innovations based on computer allow people to communicate and access to the information without considering the distance. I think you dont have the word "Technological innovations" again. Instead, use "which" or other synonyms. For ex, "many tech.... daily life which allow ppl to communicate and...."

So good luck and hope you will do better on the next essay :D!
Maria - / 1096  
Jun 12, 2019   #3
@otgon
Hello there!

Welcome again to the forum. Let me try to help you in your essay.

While I think that the general bulk of your essay is well-written, I highly suggest that you try to evade excessive descriptions that are unnecessary in establishing your thoughts all throughout. What I recommend is prioritizing your descriptions, ensuring that your placement of these words would also be accommodating and perfectly-fit for what is required to establish your thoughts.

For instance, let's take a look at the first portions of your essay. Consider these revisions:

... computers have been implemented or upgraded ... and have been are widely used in everyday life throughout the world. ... technological and technical innovations has ...

Notice how the way that you have merged together your thoughts (ie. "have been implemented or upgraded tremendously since their first invention") is quite indicative that you appeared more to be rambling than expounding a definition/clause. Avoid doing this if you can.

Best of luck in your writing!
OP otgon 2 / 3  
Jun 21, 2019   #4
@Maria
Thank you very much! I really appreciate your feedback.


Home / Writing Feedback / The invention of computers is one of the most significant inventions all the time. Academic IELTS
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳