The investigation for development in five organisations

Please give this analysis some comments. Thank you so much!

IELTS TASK 1 - INTERNAL INVESTIGATION

The bar chart given provides information on investigation of five different organisations distributed into four categories, machinery, building, research, and staff training.

Regarding investigated share, Organisation A spends the majority of its budget for human resources while the others prioritise their expenditures for non-human purposes. In Organisation B, there are marked differentials in the statistics, especially between those of infrastructure and hardware.

Organisation A spends most on training programmes for its employees at €1 billion, creating a noticeable gap of approximately €0.5 billion to its lowest figure, i.e. that of building. This is specifically in contrast to the priority observed in Organisation B who intensively distributes over €1.6 billion for infrastructure upgrading. Otherwise, machinery and research receive equal capital distribution implemented by Organisation C, standing at roughly €0.7 billion.

Around €1.7 billion is invested by Organisation B to develop its internal building, accounting for the largest investigation carried out by the institute. This is followed by its research activities whose corresponding value is just €100 thousand lower. In contrast, hardware takes the bottom position on the graph plotted for the organisation, at about €1.3 billion.

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I am not sure why you used the term "investigated" in this essay. The term offered in the original presentation is "invested", which does not mean the same thing as "investigated". To be clear:

Investigated - to search out and examine the particulars of in an attempt to learn the facts about something hidden, unique, or complex, especially in an attempt to find a motive, cause, or culprit:

Invested - to put (money) to use, by purchase or expenditure, in something offering potential profitable returns, as interest, income, or appreciation in value.

There was no crime committed here. There was no investigation implied in the original prompt. Your word usage totally changed the topic for discussion, causing a prompt deviation in the paraphrase.

What is obvious from this word usage error is that you are not as familiar as you think you are with the English language. You should never make such serious vocabulary errors as these errors will not only change the purpose of the data you are submitting, it will also show a lack of understanding of the instructions provided. English comprehension is important. You should not use words you are not familiar with. You don't have to keep trying to impress the examiner with your word knowledge if you are not truly familiar with advanced English words. Keep it simple and natural to avoid possible LR and GRA errors.

There are no investigated shares in the data, only invested shares. This error could mean the full failure of your essay as you are misleading the reader through the use of erroneous words in the essay. I do not believe this essay will achieve a passing score because it will lose up to 50% of the score due to your word choice error.

Your summary overview does not refer to the measurement type used in the essay. You also failed to give a run-down of the categories being presented by the investment shares. So your overall presentation is not only misinforming the reader, it is also not providing complete information.

Although there is no indication of a time reference in the essay, you should use past tense instead of present tense references in the essay. That is because the description of the graph implies that the money has already been invested by these organizations. So you are doing a hindsight report, not a current report.

Work on your vocabulary skills. That seems to be your weakest point and, oftentimes, exam takers fail the test because of vocabulary problems in their essay presentations. Your English may sound fluent on paper, but your word choices when writing are seriously problematic and could cause serious problems for your score in an actual test. By the way, i.e. is a Latin word meaning id est (that is) , it should not be used in an English essay exam. Use English terms only. If you ever take a Latin language test, then you can use i.e. in your presentation.