Japan travellers outside their homeland

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.

Japanese tourism growth

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of Japanese visitors to foreign countries within a 10 year period, 1985 to 1995, while the line graph gives information on Australia's market share of Japan's tourism. Units are measured in millions of people.

Overall, the number of Japanese travelers showed a steady increase over the period given, besides 1991, becoming almost four times higher in 1995. Similarly, Australia's share of Japan's tourist market rose marginally and skyrocketed in 1994, even though there was a slight fall in 1989 and 1995.

Regarding tourists coming from Japan, those began at just over 4 million in 1985 and grew gradually until 1990, when they surpassed 10 million. However, a minor decrease can be seen in 1991, as Japanese tourists were just above 10 million. Despite this, their percentage started rising again in 1992 at approximately 12 million, before reaching its peak of nearly 16 million in 1995.

Additionally, although Australia's portion on Japanese tourism started at just 2% in 1985, it increased steadily throughout the years and doubled in 1989. It also experienced a downward tendency at only above 4% in 1990, but a ceaseless growth is observed afterwards, hitting the highest point of just over 6% in 1994. Nevertheless, a mild deduction at exactly 6% is noticed in 1995.

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Athanasia, this essay is so severely incomplete in terms of informing the reader that it was not worth the time that it took you to develop the essay. There are way too many inconsistencies in your presentation and you did not even bother to use the information provided to you in the bar graph in most instances. I am not sure why you presented such a disconnected summary of the discussion. It created a very hard to understand representation of the information you were given.

Let's start with the opening paragraph. You did not indicate that two charts were provided for the report. Neither did you completely indicate the two types of measurements used for each chart. The trending statement should have been indicated in the summary overview as that would have helped you to meet the maximum 5 sentence requirement in the paragraph and also show that you intently reviewed the images for information, which was placed in the correct area of the summary report.

In the paragraph about the visitors from Japan, you tended to merely mention the high, mid, and low points, without indicating the actual figures from the chart. Whenever actual figures are provided, you must use those in the report as part of your analysis. There is no accurate information provided when you provide estimates instead of figures. When this report is potentially handed off to someone who needs to use the information, he will find that the summary you wrote does not have any usable figures in it. The examiner will also see this and lower the score accordingly for your test.

You cannot use the term "additionally" when you speak of the figures from Australia because those figures are not related to the Japanese visitor information. You should have used a transition paragraph in order to indicate the change of information from Japan to Australia. Something along the lines of:

While the previous graph shows the number of Japanese tourists in a general nature, I will now analyze the data pertaining to Japanese tourists that have visited Australia. Within this graph, I will be looking at the percentage of Japanese tourists who have come to Australia. It would appear that there was a rising trend in the number of visitors within the same year period for Japanese tourists in Australia.

Then you could have discussed the year on year line graph percentage information in comparison to the millions of Japanese travelers or, just simply offered a summary of the information from the line graph. Whatever method you chose to discuss it, the transition paragraph would have really helped in directing the attention of the reader and assisting them in keeping track of the information that you present.