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TOEFL: job has more effect on your happiness; brings the sense of accomplishment



Hsinyu 2 / 2  
Aug 22, 2013   #1
A/AD, Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does ?

Whether job has more effect on one's happiness than social life is widely discussed. A great number of people are of the opinion that social life has more powerful connection to personal happiness than a job does. However, I strongly contented that employment clearly has the greater effect on happiness for the following reasons.

The most critical reason for such an assertion is that happiness is easy to get if we find the job that we really love and dedicated to it. That is to say, for many people, work is their source of happiness in life. They follow their passions and don't regard what they do as work. Also, their co-workers become one of their friend groups, merging social life and work life into one. What's more, a successful career also helps the person to build up his/her confidence and contentment.

In contrast, there is the popular opinion that although job enables people to realize them personal value and provide economic foundation, social life rather than job can offer the true happiness, which means that person could spend time with their old friends, hanging out together and feels a sense of belonging , while this feeling will never exist in working. There is some truth in this claim, However, this belief fails to consider the face that people usually have to work at least 40 hours every week, and that if we are lucky enough we can hang out with friends a couple of hours on weekends. The majority of lifetime where we attempt to pursue happiness is spent in our workplace rather than in friends' apartments and clubs. People tend to spend more time on their jobs now than their social life.

In sum, although there may be other dissenting views, we can still safely come to the conclusion that job has more effect on your happiness. It brings you the sense of accomplishment and finds your value.

joyhu 9 / 22  
Aug 22, 2013   #2
However, this belief fails to consider the face

Is it " fact " ?

I didn't see any obviously grammatical problems.
Beside, I do like your point of view!!
Wish you good luck! =)
Ali110 1 / 1  
Aug 23, 2013   #3
Dear Hsinyu,

I think your second topic sentence is very long besides your conclusion maybe is not good. What do you mean "finds your value"?

Sincerely,
dumi 1 / 6793  
Aug 23, 2013   #4
Whether job has more effect on one's happiness than social life is widely discussed.

I have seen many people begin their essays like this. However, I find it's not an interesting hook that has the ability to impress your reader. Write something that's more catchy.

[quote=Hsinyu]The most critical reason for such an assertion is that happiness is easy to get if we find the job that we really love and can dedicateddedicate ourselves to it.[/quote


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