Hey
lily2012 overall your essay is well written... The examples are, what can I say, well thought...
But there are a lot of grammar mistakes...
Should I correct them?
Anyway I made the corrections if you need them:
For my part, I believe the theory of happiness definition : You can achieve more happiness when you are doing what you value more.
The sentence is kind of awkward. there's something wrong with the highlighted part.Therefore, colorful social life would like tolikely bring them more happiness tha n their job.
They just consider their job as a mean of ensuring financial security, which is required to support them in order to enjoy their social life.
Not only could they develop their interests, like fishing, skiing, hiking, and traveling, but also they can spend more time with their dear family, or humorous friends.
Awkward.My father lives his life in this way.
If he is available, he prefer to organize weekend-trip with family rather than take work home, go fishing at Hong Yan Lake alone rather than continue working, and drink in a bar with best friends rather than focus on work.
you used the wordWORKtoo much. And I think you should change the wordAVAILABLE ..frown as he works at office.
I still don't know what you meant." I prize my social life tha n my job" he says , "because it helps me release my job stress and makes me relaxed , more importantly, it enables me to accompany with my family and friends.
For another type of people, they value job more than social life than social life,