[TOEFL] Your job has more effect on your happiness than your living environment does.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your living environment does.

With the development of the economy, people become more and more rich. They start to pay attention to mental requirement like happiness. While I accept that job can offer happiness to some people, I believe that living environment is more important than job for most of us.

Admittedly, job can bring us happiness. People can receive a sense of values and respected from job. If people receive respect from others, they will feel achievement and self-confidence. In addition, job can provide money to us.

However, people should concern more about their living environment than job. First, for most of us, job is only a tool to maintain our lives. Few people can feel happiness from their job because they have to continue to work more than 30 years. For example, Workers in the FOXCONN factory, which is the main manufacture of APPLE Company, just repeat one action more than 8 hours every day. These labor works cannot provide workers with a lot of happiness because they feel tired and frustrated after long hour work.

Second, beautiful environment is one of basic physiological needs, which are the most fundamental requirements for people. Without beautiful environment, people are not able to feel happiness and will fell anxiety. Nowadays, the fast development of economy is gradually destroying our environment very quickly. Factories released a huge amount of wasters into river and soil. In order to build city and factory, people destroy huge forests. In China, some residents who live in nearby some toxic factories became sick because these factories release a lot of toxic water and wasters into environment around people. Even though local residents benefits from an increasing number of jobs which are provided by those factories, they cannot feel happiness from high-paying job yet because most of them suffer from cancer or other diseases.

In conclusion, it is far better to protect our living environment rather than focus on job or work since the goal people is for good livers.

Please check the following essay, I changed a little.

With the development of the economy, people become more and more rich. They start to pay attention to mental requirement like happiness. While I accept that job can offer happiness to some people, I believe that living environment is more important than job for most of us.

Admittedly, job can bring us happiness. People can receive a sense of values and respected from job. If people receive respect from others, they will feel achievement and self-confidence. In addition, job can provide money to us.

However, people should concern more about their living environment than their jobs. First, for most of us, job is only a tool to maintain our lives. Few people can feel happiness from their job because they have to continue to work more than 30 years. For example, Workers in the FOXCONN factory, which is the very famous Chinese mass-production assembly line and mainly manufacture electronic products of APPLE Company like IPHONE, IPAD and IPOD, just repeat one action more than 8 hours every day. These labor works cannot provide employees with any gratification because they feel exhausted, stressful and even frustrated after such long hours work.

Second, beautiful environment is one of basic physiological needs, which are the most fundamental requirements for people survival. Without beautiful environment, people are not able to feel happiness and even will feel anxiety, which will cause stress-induced diseased. Nowadays, the fast development of economy is gradually destroying our environment very quickly. Factories released a huge amount of wasters into river and soil. In order to build city and factory, people destroy a lot of forests. In China, some residents who live in nearby some toxic factories became sick because these factories release a lot of toxic water and wasters into environment around people. Even though local residents benefits from an increasing number of jobs which are provided by those factories, they cannot feel happiness from high-paying job yet because most of them suffer from cancer or other diseases.

In conclusion, it is far better to protect our living environment rather than focus on job or work since the goal people is for good livers.

I dont find this is a very logical hook. Poverty still prevails at its heights not only in the third world, but in certain social segments of rich countries too. Also this does not have a significant relevance to your tpic. Try to keep your wriying more alligned with your topic.

Thank! need more feedback!

Well... this is my suggestion for your introduction;
Hook - a sentence that has relevance to your topic and has the ability to grasp reader's attention.
Background of the prompt - Introduce your prompt and tell the reader why it is important to discuss this argument
Your opinion ; State your position on the argument

Thanks!

your writing have some mistakes, you can see it again. and i think that it is also incoherent. U should express that u agree or not, and use some transitional words to make your reader understand your ideas clearly.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your living environment does.

With the development of the economy, people become more and more rich (richer and richer). They start to pay attention to mental requirement like happiness. While I accept that job can offer happiness to some people, I believe that living environment is more important than job for most of us.

Admittedly, job can bring us happiness. People can receive a sense of values and respected from job. If people receive respect from others, they will feel achievement and self-confidence. In addition, job can provide money to us.(-> provide money to us for what? How can money bring us happiness? U should write a clause ...)

However, people should concern more about their living environment than job. First, for most of us, job is only a tool to maintain our lives. Few people can feel happiness from their job because they have to continue to work more than 30 years. For example, Workers in the FOXCONN factory, which is the main manufacture of APPLE Company, just repeat one action more than 8 hours every day. These labor works (these jobs) cannot provide workers with a lot of happiness because they feel tired and frustrated after long hour work (long working hours).

Second, beautiful environment is one of basic physiological needs, which are the most fundamental requirements for people (I don't understand what you mean. U mean that living in a beautiful environment is one of the basic requirement of our life) . Without beautiful environment, people are not able to feel happiness and will fell anxiety.(I think that: Without living in a beautiful environment....) Nowadays, the fast development of economy is gradually destroying our environment very quickly. Factories released a huge amount of wasters into river and soil. In order to build city and factory, people destroy huge forests. In China, some residents who live in nearby some toxic factories became sick because these factories release a lot of toxic water and wasters into environment around people (them). Even though local residents benefits (have a enormous benefit) from an increasing number of jobs which are provided by those factories, they cannot feel happiness from high-paying job yet because most of them suffer from cancer or other diseases.

In conclusion, it is far better to protect our living environment rather than focus on job or work since the goal people is for good livers.

really appreciate your feedback ! thanks again!

I revised it as follow. can some one help me? Thanks again!!!!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your living environment does.

With the tempo of life accelerating, an increasing number of people feel frustrated. Therefore, how to acquire happiness has become an issue of concern today. While I accept that job give happiness to some people, I believe that, compared with job, beautiful environment more likely bring internal happiness to most of us and thus is a more important source of happiness.

Admittedly, job can bring people with some happiness. For example, if people implement a project or receive a reward from the company due to great efforts, they will feel self-confidence and achievement. However, for the majority of people, work is just a tool to maintain their lives while some successors of career are able to win respect due to their excellent works. After a long working time, people will feel tedious and boring. The employees of Foxconn factory, which is main manufacture of Apple product, have to repeat one action more than 8 hours. In order to earn more money, most of employees choose to work overtime rather than take a rest. These jobs cannot afford any happiness to people. On the contrary, it will provide human with chronic fatigue, stress and depression.

Nevertheless, beautiful environment is the one of basic requirements of human life. Living in a terrible environment for a long time will give rise to disease. In China, the past decades are the fastest period of economic development. With the development of economy, the environment was badly destroyed. In order to build new cities and factories, people devastate vast areas of forests. These new building factories, especial some mines, discharge a huge amount of toxic water and exhaust fumes into environment, causing local residents to become sick. Although factories provide residents with a large number of jobs, they cannot gain real well-being from these high-paying jobs since most of them and their family will suffer from cancer or other diseases.

In conclusion, although some works may be rewarding, environment has more influence on people. Neither should we neglect the importance of environment, nor should we ignore the great impacts environment produce.

hi, I think you're writing is quite good. however, I have two comments about grammar. U can check again.
1. The employees of Foxconn factory, which is main manufacture of Apple product, have to repeat one action more than 8 hours.
THE EMPLOYEES OF FOXCONN FACTORY => people. therefore i think that u cannot use "Which" in relative clause.
2. These jobs cannot afford any happiness to people.
=> "Any" uses in negative clause. In this clause, u use both "cannot" and "any". it's wrong. So u should revise it again.

Thanks first!
But refer to "any"

I checked the dictionary and give the following example,

I never make any big decisions

So, what's wrong with

These jobs cannot afford any happiness to people.

can someone explain? Thanks in advance!