IELTS Writing Task 2 - JOB SATISFACTION IS AN IMPORTANT ELEMENT OF INDIVIDUAL WELL BEING.

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.

" To what extent do you AGREE or DISAGREE with this opinion."

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For most people, jobs take the majority part of the living time in their life. People work for many different reasons, money, food, surviving etc.

I think there is one thing more important than the basic living requirement, the accomplishment satisfaction. One psychologist said, human being will pursue the self-value after the basic living requirement is satisfied. In my opinion, monetary satisfaction is not the only reason to bring people to work, especially in 21st. century. Here are some contentions to counter the argument.

With no doubt,the well-pay actually lead people to work more productively. It is the most basic factor to bring people to work. But, it is not the most effective way to raise the productivity of employees. However, a working environment with proper challenges will thrive the employees, not only the individual profit but also bring the team together. People provide their knowledge and expertise skill to accomplish the goal to reach or give solutions for the company. That is, all achievements and opportunities make people prove themselves and lead them to build self-confidence, happiness, even job satisfaction.

In conclusion, we may all spend most our life on working career. It means that job takes a great part of our happiness and self-value, if we do not care more about it, the life will be monotonous. We are supposed to think more about our personal growth and professional improvement that a job can give us. That is why we can not choose a job only by how much the salary is but also what can achieve during this employment.

So, job satisfaction is an important element to our self-value pursuing.

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Thanks for reading my essay, here is a topic of the IELTS Writing task 2 practice.
I finished it in 30~40 minutes as the rule of IELTS.
I would like to see some feedback from you guys, and maybe score it.
thanks a lot!!!!

Hello Evantasy03
These are my some corrections for your writing anyway

For most people, jobs take the majority part ...Most people believe that job is part of their life which could them be fulfillment. People work for many different reasons, money, food, surviving etc.(That's better if you do not put examples in this paragraph because in the first sentence is only describing generally about your opening essay, introduction. For reasons, you should put in body paragraph to detail explains).

OneA psychologist said, " human being (...) is satisfied" . You should put (") if you cite from someone.

In conclusion, wepeople may all spend a lot of their lifemost our life onfor working careerevery day .
(Next, please avoid with using "we" too much in your writing because you are becoming the third persons in this case. However, the question only asks your opinion)

It means that job takes a great part ...
(I think your conclusion still annoying to be understood by readers, because in the first paragraph that you said agree even though you didn't mention directly in your writing. I have read in your conclusion that you have written an opposite with your statement any way)

(Then, where is the position for this one sentence? If this sentence encourages with your conclusion, please you no need to separate in any differences place). So, job satisfaction is an important element to our self-value pursuing.

Keep spirit!
Cheers ^_^