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a job at Shell Plaza:An experience that significantly led the setting your goals



lic12 3 / 4  
Jan 26, 2010   #1
Could ya'll please help me prove read this, I would really appreciate it. Thank You!

Last summer of 2009, I started my first job. I was trilled with excitement but with fear at the same time. I didn't know what to expect. I had never worked in my whole inter life. It was a job at Two Shell Plaza. I was recruited as an intern by my school program called Business Professionals.

The first day at work was nerve racking, the night before I didn't sleep at all. When I arrived to my first day at work, the day went by pretty smooth. I didn't have trouble learning all the tasks I had to do. After about two weeks I didn't have any trouble doing my task and doing what was expected from me. When I received my first paycheck, I was stunned on how much I had made during those two weeks. I had never had so much money all for me. I didn't know what to do with it. So I just blew off on anything that I would see at the stores and wanted. After two weeks my money was gone. I couldn't believe how fast I had spent it.

As the time pass by my parents expected me to pay a bill every month. They also stop giving me money. I had to be pay for everything I wanted. So whenever I wanted to go out and eat, I had to pay for my own money. At first I didn't know how to control my money on what I spent and didn't spent. Later on I had no other choice. I couldn't just spend my money on whatever I desire. I had to make a budget for myself on the things that were needed and on the things that I wanted. I also started saving up money, so I had to open my own account. I was growing up. I was learning how to spend my money wisely.

Having a job made me see how everything that you want, you must work for. That nothing is free. Every single thing that you have has been to pay for. Even the smallest things we sometimes don't pay any attention to, like napkins and paper towels. Someone had to work to earn that money in order to buy those products.

This experience made me see that if I want to have enough money to spend on things that I like, I have to go to college. If I want to have the nicest cars I have to go to college and get a good paying job. With the job that I have now I would not come close to pay my own expense.

Having this experience has influence on the goals that I have now of going to college and saving up enough money to buy myself a car. It has taught me the value of saving up and the importance of going to college to get a good paying job. I think that if you have lots money, the only way to keep that money is to go to college and learn how to use your money wisely.

HowieD9 3 / 5  
Jan 26, 2010   #2
the point you are trying to bring across in your essay is good,there are just some grammatical problems you need to get checked and you should be good to go.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 28, 2010   #3
Last summer, of 2009, I started my first job. I was thrilled with excitement but fear was present at the same time. I didn't know what to expect. I had never worked in my whole inter life. It was a job at Two Shell Plaza. I was recruited as an intern by during my school's program called "Business Professionals."

Use a word processing program with a spell checker! If you use microsoft word, it will also help you to catch grammar errors, like this run-on sentence:

The first day at work was nerve racking; the night before I didn't sleep at all.

I fixed it with a semi-colon.

Don't worry! You'll get better and better at writing correctly. I think you should spend lots of time here at essayforum looking at corrections given to other people.

You can't have little sentence fragments like this one: "That nothing is free."
It has to be part of the previous sentence:
Having a job made me see how everything that you want, you must work for -- that nothing is free.

Keep practicing! :-) You have great ideas, so it will be good to learn the rules of grammar and become an expert. If you find the Elements of Style by Strunk and White (it's what I recmmend to everyone), it will help you a lot! And it is a fun book to read.


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