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IELTS Task 2: Joint family versus Independent family


sabakhai 5 / 11  
Feb 14, 2014   #1
IT IS GENERALLY ACCEPTED THAT FAMILIES ARE NOT AS CLOSE AS THEY USED TO BE. GIVE SOME REASONS WHY THIS CHANGE HAS HAPPENED AND SUGGEST HOW FAMILIES COULD BE BROUGHT CLOSER TOGETHER. INCLUDE ANY RELAVENT EXAMPLES FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE.

Society has changed drastically in past few decades. One of the biggest and most noticeable changes is family relationship and the rise of small family system instead of traditional joint family system. There are many reasons behind the change and we will discuss these reasons in subsequent paragraphs.

Main reason for small families is jobs. Most of the jobs are created in certain metro cities and people are forced to migrate there. In such case, family is scarred in different cities and it is difficult to be in touch with everyone in the family. For instance, I had to move from Pune to Mumbai for my job, Now it is very hard for me to live with my parents and family members.

Another reason is generation gap. In case of business family, person needs not to migrate anywhere. But people within family are not like minded and it creates traction within the family. Thus, joint family gets divided into small family and eventually their relationship vanishes apart.

There are many ways to revert the trend of isolated families. One method is to use technology. People staying apart can meet each other using internet. For example, all family members can decide to meet on skype once in a week. This way it will create the feel of togetherness. Furthermore, in current modern era, transportation has become very fast. It is easy to fly once in a month and meet all relatives. In addition, government can develop job opportunities in all cities so that less people will migrate. Last, people need to be more mature about the relationship management and try to adopt with each other.

In a nutshell, we have to accept the change in the society and lifestyle. Instead of trying to oppose the change, we can respect it and try to adapt to it. Attitude to adjust will lead to close and loving family.

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 14, 2014   #2
One of the biggest and most noticeable changes isfamily relationship and the rise of small family system instead of traditional joint family system.

... This is the sentence you use to introduce the background of the topic to the reader. So, here you need to include all important points. You have missed this point;

IT IS GENERALLY ACCEPTED THATFAMILIES ARE NOT AS CLOSE AS THEY USED TO BE.

.... you use the phrase "family relationship" to hint this idea, but it does not deliver this fully. Make sure you include all important aspects of your prompt when you are describing the background of the issue. This is what my suggestion is;

One of the most noticeable changes is about distant family relationships compared to those in the previous eras.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 14, 2014   #3
Main reason for small families is jobs.

When you say small families, it means that you are taking about families of small size. However, your topic is not about the size of the family, but about the family relationships. I think you have gone out of track. Even your topic is out of topic. Your prompt actually does not deal with joint families vs independent families.

You need to pay lots of attention to what your prompt means. Read it very carefully and focus your writing to what it asks from you. Always stay aligned with your prompt.
Fardhani Putri 23 / 46 7  
Feb 14, 2014   #4
I agree with Dumi, be careful with the prompt..if you don't pay attention with the prompt, it could be out of topic..

When you say small families, it means that you are taking about families of small size. However, your topic is not about the size of the family, but about the family relationships. I think you have gone out of track. Even your topic is out of topic

IT IS GENERALLY ACCEPTED THAT FAMILIES ARE NOT AS CLOSE AS THEY USED TO BE.

...it's your topic, you have to explain about family relationship maybe you can make comparison between the previous family relationship with today

For example, all family members can decide to meet on skype once in a week.

..double verb

In case of business family, person needs not to migrate anywhere

..person do not need migrate anywhere

In addition, government can develop job opportunities in all cities

..double verb

But people within family are not like minded and it creates traction within the family.

...what this sentece means? can you rewrite this sentence?
agi 13 / 30 4  
Feb 15, 2014   #5
Main reason for small families is jobs. Most of the jobs are created in certain metro cities and people are forced to migrate there. In such case, family is scarred in different cities and it is difficult to be in touch with everyone in the family. For instance, I had to move from Pune to Mumbai for my job, Now it is very hard for me to live with my parents and family members.

in this part, i recommend you to use more advanced vocabulary. You could write and develop your essay in this way: One of the most contributing factor of why families feel not very well each other is related to their jobs. Since most people is working hard to earn money and move to different cities to find a better job, we are forced to spend less time with our family. As a consequence, the time spends with our family members is replaced by business activities.

Another reason is generation gap. In case of business family, person needs not to migrate anywhere. But people within family are not like minded and it creates traction within the family. Thus, joint family gets divided into small family and eventually their relationship vanishes apart.

In this section, develop your ideas and give a example if possible. Be clear with ideas you present.


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