Today's kids ailments same like among adults. The example - obesity.

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

The new lifestyle and lack of immunity

These days children have many diseases which in the past were just for elderly people. Some bad habits and new lifestyle cause this problem. I have some suggestions about this problem.

It is obvious many junk food and prepared food are easy found, which have many high Cholesterols. Young people just have them because they do not like to spend a lot of time to cook the healthy food. Also, their parents do not have a lot of time to prepare home-made food. Therefore, children tend to eat some unhealthy food in the restaurant or cafe. Moreover, children do not have a lot of exercises or physical movements. So, their bodies produce many fat.

There are many ways to prevent some disease in the early age. By buying regularly fruits and vegetables instead of junk food, children are encouraged to eat healthy food. Also, spending more time to walk to go to the school instead of regularly driving the cars to take and put children, children can have exercise. Also, children should have some courses for sports. Moreover, they should know about importance of healthy body. For example, they should be thought about some consequence of bad lifestyle.

In conclusion, children have some problems as result of new lifestyle. They have some diseases that people in the past suffered in the old age. Children do not have healthy nutrition. Also, they do not have exercise as the same level as children used to have in the past. For increasing the number of children having these diseases, spending some time to have physical movement and providing some healthy food can prevent this problem.

Sara, your opening statement could use some improvement. While it accurately represents the minimum 3 sentence requirement per paragraph, there is a bit of confusion, a lack of clarity in the way that you presented the prompt. The addition of two more explanatory sentences in the paragraph, bring it to the maximum 5 sentence count, would have solved that problem. For instance, you should have used the keyword, obesity in describing the topic of the essay and the succeeding discussions you were referring to. That would have shown that you understood what the topic is and how to discuss it. This would have resulted in a higher task accuracy score for yourself.

The rest of the body is well thought our and descriptive in terms of handling the discussion. Your discussion uses only simple sentences at this point. However, the simple sentences were enough to help you express yourself and allow you to accurately discuss your plan of action in relation to solving the obesity problem. Again, it would have been nice to see you use the focal point of discussion as a term within the paragraph to further show grammar accuracy and range. This is the very same problem that exists in your otherwise acceptable concluding paragraph.

Needless to say though, your work on this essay is good enough to get a passing score of 5 overall in the IELTS scoring band. At least, that is my opinion.

@ Sara the essay looks fine. Please find below grammar mistakes.

So, their bodies produce many fat much fats.
Moreover, they should know about the importance of a healthy body.

Hopefully this will help you.

Sara, while you did marvelously well in answering the prompt, I just have few observations to make. Also, spending more time to walk to go to the school instead of regularly driving the cars to take and put children, children can have exercise. Rephrase this statement so as to portray what you really meant to say.

For increasing the number of children having these diseases, spending some time to have physical movement and providing some healthy food can prevent this problem. This statement is contradicting. Cross check your original draft.

It is obviousthat many junk food and prepared food are easy found, which have many high Cholesterols.

Apart from these points I signified, I think you did well in arranging your paragraphs.

thanks a lot for all of your points. but I have to increase my band score in writing. please give me some tips by which I can get better results in IELTS

Improving your IELTS score is not something that can happen overnight. It takes practice, practice, practice. If you want to improve your score, focus on your English comprehension skills. Understand the language, learn to look for the keywords like I mentioned earlier. Most of all, make sure that you understand the question being asked and the kind of response you are expected to discuss. Those are some of the things that you can do to help improve your TA score.

Next, to improve your lexical score, you need to use the keywords from the original prompt in your paragraph development. Used in the correct manner, meaning that you can prove that you understand the meaning or use of the word and are capable of presenting the word in an originally developed sentence, you can increase your lexical score as well.

As for the cohesiveness and cohesion, you just need to try and present your evidence in a logical manner. Usually in the order that it is expected to be discussed based upon the prompt requirement. If you can present an understandable discussion of the prompt requirements, your GRA score will also increase.

The only way you can truly improve your score is by doing as many practice tests as you can, under proper guidance. So do the practice essays, religiously post the essays here for comments and suggestion, then use those to improve your future essay presentations. It also will not hurt you to review the work of others here so you can learn from their mistakes. That is another way of improving your writing skills as well.

dear thanks a lot for your tips but honestly speaking, My writing has not changed after 8 years. I write thousands wiring. I know about your criteria. But, I could not change my writing at all. I read one writing with band score 8 and try to write similar that wiring. But my writing band score is 5 and that writing band score is 8. Please guide me to solve my big problem. after so long studying and reading, my writing does not change. I took IELTS exam five times but every time I got 5.5 band score. so, some thing should be in my writing that have to be improved.

Some bad habits and new lifestyle cause this problem. I have some suggestions about this problem.
I think it is better to combine above sentence and make one compound sentence.
One such example for problem and solution essay would be : I would discuss several precursors to this issue, before some viable measures are drawn.

Sara, the main point that you have to work on improving is your ability to understand English. The reason that you do not do well in the tests, no matter how many times you take it is because you are not a native English speaker, you are not surrounded by native English speakers, and therefore, do not have the ability to think, understand, and speak in English on a 24.7 basis. If you cannot truly understand the topic for discussion in the prompt, you will not be able to properly address the topic given for discussion. I am sorry to be harsh but that is the reality of your writing shortcoming. There is still a way you can improve though. It is something that has really worked for my students in the past.

I want you to stop writing IELTS practice tests. Instead, look for English articles online and read them. Understand what the article is all about. Then write an essay that tells me what you understand from the article. That is all I want you to focus on for now. Once you have answered those 4 questions, post your essay here, accompanied by the guide questions then I will analyze whether you are showing improvement or not in your comprehension skills. Do this as a part of your daily English routine. If you are self studying for the IELTS, then do not do the practice tests yet. If you are enrolled in IELTS classes though, you should just add this exercise to your daily routine to help improve your comprehension abilities.

Sara, I might be able to give some suggestions and the tips I used to obtain IELTS high band score. However, I want to know something, why are you particular about writing? Are you already good to go in the other components (i.e Speaking, Reading and Listening)? Also, the 5.5 band you mentioned, is it your overall score or just your score in writing component?

Respond to this questions so that I would know which tip I would make available for you.

Thanks a lot Holt for your speaking. I try to read articles and then write them again. and follow your suggestion.
for okorobiadimma14, my listening can be improved even 7. and my speaking is 6.5 and my reading is 6. But, my writing has not been improved at all. actually, I do not know how to improve it. I want to take IELTS exam for the universities. my overall is 6 academic and I need 6.5 academic IELTS.