Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Kind, helpful. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbour?

JinsungPhil 1 / 1  
Sep 10, 2017   #1

What Makes a Good Neighbor to me?

If you live alone on an island or a huge land surrounded by farms, you have lots of neighborhoods who live in front of, next to or behind your house. I think that it is so difficult to live with good neighbors. There are some conditions to distinguish who is a good neighbor as my opinion.

The best thing which is considered for a good neighborhood is a kindness. When you go to work or school, you might see your neighbor. At that time, the best situation would be that you and they say hello to each other. If you and they did not do that, it will be caused by an awkward situation. After that, you try to avoid to face the situation. The more this is continuing, the worst it is getting. On the other hand, if you and your neighbor had known each other well, you would have a party together or could be friends.

The second thing is helpful. We are human, so we cannot sure what it will happen. We are exposed to every kind of dangers. I mean that you might be in danger anytime. But, if you have good neighbors, you do not need to find a help. Your neighbors can help you, not away from you. And in Korean saying, it is better to close neighborhood than relatives who live far from you. Ancestors know that a good neighbor is good to take care of your family sometime. I recommend that you keep a close relationship with them near by you. You will have a new family.

In conclusion, people have individual priorities when they considered who could be good neighbors. If I can choose my neighbors, I would like to find how they are kind and helpful. Even though there are more important things by choosing a neighborhood, I would like to think about 2 things I mentioned.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,363 2888  
Sep 11, 2017   #2
Jinsung, I had to review your essay three times to make sure that I was reading your first paragraph properly. You said in the first paragraph that it is difficult to live with good neighbors. However, in the body of the essay, when you discussed your reasons, what you presented were reasons why it is important to live with good neighbors. More importantly, you highlighted the reasons why it is beneficial, instead of difficult, to live with good neighbors. Are you sure your understood the prompt correctly? These are the sorts of problems created by students who ask for reviews of their essays without posting the original prompt requirements. Had you posted the original TOEFL prompt before your response, I would have a better idea as to how this essay should have flowed and what responses are expected. Right now, there is a disconnection between your statements in your opening paragraph / paraphrase and the content of your essay. An accurate review of your work and weaknesses in writing and presentation cannot be determined due to the missing original prompt. Please make sure to post the original prompt requirements with your next essay. As far as this essay is concerned, the general review above is the best analysis that can be provided to you. I can only give you one analysis / advice per essay so I hope that we can have a better chance at reviewing your second essay instead. Just remember to post the original prompt along with your response.
OP JinsungPhil 1 / 1  
Sep 12, 2017   #3
Thank you so much for reading.
Actually, I have never tried to write TOEFL. This is my first try and I practiced IELTS writing before.
Thanks again!

Home / Writing Feedback / Kind, helpful. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbour?