I created a short story revolving around the theme of Humans only do things with the benefit of themselves. I would like a feedback on whether my short is good on a scale of 1 to 10.
Also if you spot any grammar or spelling mistakes can you please point them out. all help is appreciated:
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A group of tourists lowered their heads as they were driving into the jungle hoping to find something to take a photo of. Then the ride came to a sudden halt. The tourists poked their heads out to see that the tour guide was on the phone. "Sorry guys but the bus overheated and the time belt broke" said the tour guide. "However, headquarters will send someone over, but until then I am instructed to take your names." So the tour guide took some paper and a pen and started jotting the people's names. After that was done the tour guide spoke again "Okay guys. I will show you some of the plants around here- don't worry about the missing the person from headquarters because we will be within visual range of the bus." One by one, the tourists walked out to see the flowers nearby. But then a tiger within the dark jumped out and sank its teeth into one of the tourist's neck. The beast was first dragging its meal into the darkness, but then started dashing back. Everyone in complete chock made a dash back to the bus. After everybody became calm, the tour guide started for checking names and gave a puzzled look. "Wait, I am missing two people". Everyone looked at one another. "The two men I believed were brothers, they told me they were junior hunters" said one of the tourists. Everyone now in silence slowly realized that the beast started running because the brother came after it with a weapon. BOOM. "Hey, I am from headquarters- IS ANYONE IN HERE?" The tour guide opened the door and a man wearing a leather jacket came in. Everyone looked at the man; he had short black hair, light brown skin, glasses and two shiny guns on his back. To the tourists he looked like a poacher who probably can hide well in the dark because of his hair and the guns would blend in as well. The poacher started speaking "Hey, you people must be the tourists, I am sorry to say we cannot send in a mechanic at the time, so I was sent to guide you back to headquarters safely and unharmed. Alright now we know what is going on at HQ let's see who is here". Everyone was silent. So the tour guide spoke for everyone and said "Here is the list of tourists but we were just lost two to a tiger, we were walking," SLAP." YOU IDIOT YOU PUT THE TOURISTS F****N LIVES ON THE LINE" yelled the Poacher. The poacher then pulled a pistol out from his pocket. "Out, everyone out". The tourists quickly filed out in a group. The poacher came out and looked at all of them in the eye and said" All right people call me the hunter, my boss calls me a life saver- why? Because I protect the prey from the predator" said the hunter. "Now those two that have gone into the wilderness is good as dead. If you want to live you must listen to my specific instructions" said the hunter. Then the hunter started walking down the trail the bus had made." By the way, we always have to be on the move, its windy and once the beast sniff our scent they will go crazy and crave for us". Immediately the tourists went close to the hunter as he went walking down the trail.
After a little while darkness crept in and night took place. One of the tourists then broke the long silence" Hey shouldn't we start to camp for the night. The hunter then stopped and turned back "Alright, we are going to need to make a fire, and find an appropriate place to sleep" replied the hunter. "Hey what if the tiger comes?" said one of the tourists. "I think we should keep walking just in case the tiger catches our scent" said another tourist. "WAIT how about we start a fire and everyone sleeps around it so we are safe for the night" said another tourist. BANG." EVERYBODY ON THE FLOOR" said the hunter. Everyone went down on the ground laying in fear. They were watching as the hunter was spinning around and loading his gun. The he stopped and all the tourists looked ahead, and saw something they had just regret looking at. Immediately the girls and the tour guide got up and ran, while the hunter immediately shot the tiger. The tiger avoided the bullet and dashed forward. The hunter threw another round just grazing the tiger's hind legs. The tiger landed on one of the tourists, and started to make a bite on its prey's neck. BANG BANG BANG. The tiger then rolled over with blood trickling down. Immediately, the terrified tourist ran behind a tree, and saw the hunter picking up his weapon and went to check the tiger. Then he looked up with a black eye." Okay its dead- we are going to camp somewhere else". "Wait we should treat your black eye, I have a med kit on me" said the tour guide. The hunter then started walking away knowing that they will follow him. One of the girls came up and asked "how did you get that black eye, the tiger came nowhere near you?" "That's what happens when I shoot a tranquilizer through a scope"the hunter replied. "After that they started walking much faster than before.
Sooner and later they found a used camp site and lit a fire and started sleeping. Before everyone went to sleep the hunter spoke up. "Those who ran at the first sight of the tiger - good job. I am glad the tiger didn't get you. However by protecting yourself, you put everyone else at risk. The one person that listened to my instruction was killed because of your self defence. You guys actually think the tiger would come and attack ME? Obviously not, he would go for the weakest- and that was our friend back there. If you tourists stayed on the floor then the tiger would actually think for a second on who to pounce- thus giving me enough time to switch my weapon and protect everyone. You tourists are all the same, think nothing but how to enjoy yourselves. Remember I can fight the predator, you can't that is why I am here. You think I like saving your sorry a**e*? I do this for a living. "With that everyone turned silent and reflected on themselves.
After a while one of the tourists spoke out "I don't get it, the travel agency said it would be safe and here I am at the possibility of being attacked anytime." All the other tourists murmured in agreement. "Don't you get it, it costs more to write on the brochure that tigers are present- we are talking of clever businessmen and they want to make profit and feel really happy with the profit they make. They don't give a damn about our safety said the tour guide angrily. That was the last thing anybody said that night.
Everyone tried to rest with all activities that have taken place. Next morning they made it to the headquarters. Immediately the tourists started crying of joy and were taken in the hotel to be groomed and fed. The hunter however went the opposite direction. The hunter was walking towards an office but went around it to the back where he met the tour guide. From there they went to an outhouse in the jungle.
"So you found the tiger?" asked the hunter. "Yup" replied the tour guide. They went into the outhouse where they saw a tiger. The tiger jumped but got shot in mid air. This time it was the tour guide with the gun. The hunter went up to the beast and skinned it. "All right I will call headquarters to report" said the hunter as he pulled out his cell phone. "Hello, yes the tourists have arrived with 4 of them missing. No we still haven't found the white tiger. Don't worry about my promotion-I quit. Forget my retirement money and give me a ride to the airport. Thank you. Three of the casualties were tourists and the last one was the tour guide. Yes that is all." The hunter closed his cell phone.
"So how much are we selling the white tiger skin for? Asked the tour guide. "Enough to make a profit" replied the hunter. "You know you are a big hypocrite" said the tour guide." Wait, remember that the tour guide is dead, and my" younger brother" and I are going back home" replied the hunter. "So, I can finally use my name Salman?" said the tour guide." Yes Amir, please remember you are the younger one "said Salman as he packed the exotic tiger skin in his bag. "Alright I will see you at the airport, later Amir" said Salman. "You know Salman we are not doing the right thing" said the tour guide. " Neither is anyone else" and the hunter left.
Also if you spot any grammar or spelling mistakes can you please point them out. all help is appreciated:
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A group of tourists lowered their heads as they were driving into the jungle hoping to find something to take a photo of. Then the ride came to a sudden halt. The tourists poked their heads out to see that the tour guide was on the phone. "Sorry guys but the bus overheated and the time belt broke" said the tour guide. "However, headquarters will send someone over, but until then I am instructed to take your names." So the tour guide took some paper and a pen and started jotting the people's names. After that was done the tour guide spoke again "Okay guys. I will show you some of the plants around here- don't worry about the missing the person from headquarters because we will be within visual range of the bus." One by one, the tourists walked out to see the flowers nearby. But then a tiger within the dark jumped out and sank its teeth into one of the tourist's neck. The beast was first dragging its meal into the darkness, but then started dashing back. Everyone in complete chock made a dash back to the bus. After everybody became calm, the tour guide started for checking names and gave a puzzled look. "Wait, I am missing two people". Everyone looked at one another. "The two men I believed were brothers, they told me they were junior hunters" said one of the tourists. Everyone now in silence slowly realized that the beast started running because the brother came after it with a weapon. BOOM. "Hey, I am from headquarters- IS ANYONE IN HERE?" The tour guide opened the door and a man wearing a leather jacket came in. Everyone looked at the man; he had short black hair, light brown skin, glasses and two shiny guns on his back. To the tourists he looked like a poacher who probably can hide well in the dark because of his hair and the guns would blend in as well. The poacher started speaking "Hey, you people must be the tourists, I am sorry to say we cannot send in a mechanic at the time, so I was sent to guide you back to headquarters safely and unharmed. Alright now we know what is going on at HQ let's see who is here". Everyone was silent. So the tour guide spoke for everyone and said "Here is the list of tourists but we were just lost two to a tiger, we were walking," SLAP." YOU IDIOT YOU PUT THE TOURISTS F****N LIVES ON THE LINE" yelled the Poacher. The poacher then pulled a pistol out from his pocket. "Out, everyone out". The tourists quickly filed out in a group. The poacher came out and looked at all of them in the eye and said" All right people call me the hunter, my boss calls me a life saver- why? Because I protect the prey from the predator" said the hunter. "Now those two that have gone into the wilderness is good as dead. If you want to live you must listen to my specific instructions" said the hunter. Then the hunter started walking down the trail the bus had made." By the way, we always have to be on the move, its windy and once the beast sniff our scent they will go crazy and crave for us". Immediately the tourists went close to the hunter as he went walking down the trail.
After a little while darkness crept in and night took place. One of the tourists then broke the long silence" Hey shouldn't we start to camp for the night. The hunter then stopped and turned back "Alright, we are going to need to make a fire, and find an appropriate place to sleep" replied the hunter. "Hey what if the tiger comes?" said one of the tourists. "I think we should keep walking just in case the tiger catches our scent" said another tourist. "WAIT how about we start a fire and everyone sleeps around it so we are safe for the night" said another tourist. BANG." EVERYBODY ON THE FLOOR" said the hunter. Everyone went down on the ground laying in fear. They were watching as the hunter was spinning around and loading his gun. The he stopped and all the tourists looked ahead, and saw something they had just regret looking at. Immediately the girls and the tour guide got up and ran, while the hunter immediately shot the tiger. The tiger avoided the bullet and dashed forward. The hunter threw another round just grazing the tiger's hind legs. The tiger landed on one of the tourists, and started to make a bite on its prey's neck. BANG BANG BANG. The tiger then rolled over with blood trickling down. Immediately, the terrified tourist ran behind a tree, and saw the hunter picking up his weapon and went to check the tiger. Then he looked up with a black eye." Okay its dead- we are going to camp somewhere else". "Wait we should treat your black eye, I have a med kit on me" said the tour guide. The hunter then started walking away knowing that they will follow him. One of the girls came up and asked "how did you get that black eye, the tiger came nowhere near you?" "That's what happens when I shoot a tranquilizer through a scope"the hunter replied. "After that they started walking much faster than before.
Sooner and later they found a used camp site and lit a fire and started sleeping. Before everyone went to sleep the hunter spoke up. "Those who ran at the first sight of the tiger - good job. I am glad the tiger didn't get you. However by protecting yourself, you put everyone else at risk. The one person that listened to my instruction was killed because of your self defence. You guys actually think the tiger would come and attack ME? Obviously not, he would go for the weakest- and that was our friend back there. If you tourists stayed on the floor then the tiger would actually think for a second on who to pounce- thus giving me enough time to switch my weapon and protect everyone. You tourists are all the same, think nothing but how to enjoy yourselves. Remember I can fight the predator, you can't that is why I am here. You think I like saving your sorry a**e*? I do this for a living. "With that everyone turned silent and reflected on themselves.
After a while one of the tourists spoke out "I don't get it, the travel agency said it would be safe and here I am at the possibility of being attacked anytime." All the other tourists murmured in agreement. "Don't you get it, it costs more to write on the brochure that tigers are present- we are talking of clever businessmen and they want to make profit and feel really happy with the profit they make. They don't give a damn about our safety said the tour guide angrily. That was the last thing anybody said that night.
Everyone tried to rest with all activities that have taken place. Next morning they made it to the headquarters. Immediately the tourists started crying of joy and were taken in the hotel to be groomed and fed. The hunter however went the opposite direction. The hunter was walking towards an office but went around it to the back where he met the tour guide. From there they went to an outhouse in the jungle.
"So you found the tiger?" asked the hunter. "Yup" replied the tour guide. They went into the outhouse where they saw a tiger. The tiger jumped but got shot in mid air. This time it was the tour guide with the gun. The hunter went up to the beast and skinned it. "All right I will call headquarters to report" said the hunter as he pulled out his cell phone. "Hello, yes the tourists have arrived with 4 of them missing. No we still haven't found the white tiger. Don't worry about my promotion-I quit. Forget my retirement money and give me a ride to the airport. Thank you. Three of the casualties were tourists and the last one was the tour guide. Yes that is all." The hunter closed his cell phone.
"So how much are we selling the white tiger skin for? Asked the tour guide. "Enough to make a profit" replied the hunter. "You know you are a big hypocrite" said the tour guide." Wait, remember that the tour guide is dead, and my" younger brother" and I are going back home" replied the hunter. "So, I can finally use my name Salman?" said the tour guide." Yes Amir, please remember you are the younger one "said Salman as he packed the exotic tiger skin in his bag. "Alright I will see you at the airport, later Amir" said Salman. "You know Salman we are not doing the right thing" said the tour guide. " Neither is anyone else" and the hunter left.
