Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Juvenile delinquency is one of the main predominant problems to the civilization nowadays. For this reason some scientists claim that the case increase significantly because lack of emotional and social education from family circumstance and educational stakeholders. In my personal perspective, I tend to agree this notion since family has less time for their children thanks to their daily routine such job.
Admittedly,, it is undeniable that family and teacher play important role in young generation development. Nowadays is competitive era in which this moment encourage parents should fulfill their family need. Parent's activities such work lessen their considerable amount of time with their children. Lack of parental care Lack of parental care leads children to having negative attitudes obtaining from friends, as well as committing crime. Another important reason is less of education and management of schools. This is thanks to less contact between parents and teachers, children cut school and meet people who bring them to abuse drugs, drink alcohol, and commit crime in order to find money for them. Therefore parents and teacher are the main factor for youngster to own insufficient moral.
On the other hand, people believe that parents and educational stake holders are not the main contributor of young generation to be criminals and own bad attitude. There are several factors such as the development of media or commonly known as cyber addiction. it is because children are more likely to devote their time on browsing the internet. According to one article on Jakarta post newspaper in late January 2016, around 79% of young generation have tendency to imitate what they watch in media like the internet or TV. The result of this, children's value is based on what they see. Consequently, children circumstance is the main factor of transformation children value.
The aforementioned evidence provides that albeit young generations have their own world such as environment and activities, parents and teacher are the most crucial part of them to learn about moral value. it is imperative that the role of people round children become the first matter to create juvenile delinquency due to little moral value teaching.
Juvenile delinquency is one of the
main predominant (redudancy) problems to the civilization nowadays. For this reason, some scientists (...) significantly because of the lack of emotional and social education from family circumstance parents and educational stakeholdersteachers . In my personal perspective, I tend to agree with this notion since (...) thanks to their daily routine such jobbusy schedules.
It is okey to paraphrase the question, but you have to consider the meaning of the synonim or other terms you use. Use appropriate collocations. For instance, in this case, I think it is unsuitable to substitute "teacher: with "educational stakeholders" since the meaning of stakeholder is " a person or group of people who own a share in business".
Dear Ahkan, your essay is of appropriate sentences. Yet, let me give you some suggestions, I hope they are overly helpful for you:
1. Be careful with
On the other hand
since you have to put on the one hand
2. It is imperative that you have to use tenses correctly
For example :
According to one article on Jakarta post newspaper in late January 2016, around 79% of young generation have tendency to imitate what they watch in media like the internet or TV.
It means the event happen in the past so you have to use past tense
3. It is better if you use linking word
for your conclusion, such as To conclude, In conclusion, In brief,