IELTS Writing task 2: Large businesses have big budgets for marketing and promotion and as a result.

Large businesses have big budgets for marketing and promotion and as a result, people gravitate towards buying their products.
What problems does this cause?
What could be done to encourage people to buy local products?

Local products are being displaced

Local products have been surpassed by foreign products that have large budgets for advertising and promotion. This clause discuss about how come the citizen prefer to buys some things from other place than buys some things from local, and how to develop local product more familiar previously.

First of all, in fact according to economic theory that whose have many budget and can manage well it, as result attracting many buyers. For example, in Mamasa city there are several company especially gading corp, the company has big budget for advertising and promotion, the impact its familiar and has many buyers than other company. Even tough, if we are trying to compare the quality of their product, there are companies have good product than gading corp, yet residents sometimes only buy product that well-known for them. So, one way to make goods sold more salable, I suggest to make nice advertising and often promotion on other social media.

On the other hand, we shall think how to make local company more develop, because if it develops may increase the income of local residents. Taking example in Bali city, Bali has developed and become one of the most developed cities across the world. Even tough, in the past to be exact in 1945s, Bali build some tourist facilities while Indonesian was struggling for independence. At the moment, why could Bali develop because the authorities conscious that they have to maximizing the wealth of its natural resources. The impact some tourists only know Bali than Indonesian. So that, the government has to support the local company such as give aid, building facilities and others.

To conclude, this essay tell us about how to local company become more famous with less budget and why the big company who has many budget to making advertisement and promotion more exist than local company. Therefore, the writer hopefully the authorities able to help locals.

Please give me score.

@AliminHamzah

This clause discuss about how come the citizen prefer to buys some things from other place than buys some things from local, and how to develop local product more familiar previously.

I suppose this is your thesis statement. Your statement does not answer the question clearly. Task response is very important for ielts.

Maybe try this.

This essay will look at some of the effects big corporations have over local economy and also the measures that could be taken to develop the popularity of local products.

AliminHamzah, it seems to me that you did not post the original prompt at all. That is because there is a clear discrepancy in the topic sentences and prompt requirements. As you can see, the first sentence indicates "large businesses" but then the question for discussion asks about "local products". This is why I suspect that your prompt posting of the original discussion is incorrect. A large business can exist as a local product but a foreign business cannot sell a local product. Do you see the difference between the two descriptive terms? Due to this discrepancy in the original prompt statement, I will not be scoring your essay. I cannot score an essay based upon an inaccurate original prompt statement.

By the way, this is not a clause but an essay. A clause a form of sentence development. An essay is a short piece of writing based on a particular topic. The problematic opening paraphrase alone is enough to gain you a failing score for the essay because of your failure to properly address the TA section of the scoring criteria. Remember, the minute you get the TA failing score, everything else follows. I cannot proceed with analyzing the problems of this essay and offering suggestions for your improvement because I am unclear on what the real prompt for this essay is. Therefore, I will stop here as I think I have made my point clear already. The total format of this essay will not garner it any sort of passing score.

@AliminHamzah

There are some mistakes on grammar and spell.
And the content lack of logical, it is hard to understand your main idea.
I take second paragraph as example:

For example, in Mamasa city there are several companycompanies especially gading grow/grew corp in Mamasa, the company hasthey have limited big budget for advertising and promotion, while foreign companies promote their products with commercial ads continuously. the impact its familiar ... Even toughthough, if we are trying to compare (...) This condition brings/brought severe loss to local company. So, one way to ...

You didn't focus on what problem(people only buy the products which have well-known advertisement) did it cause.
Maybe it cause quality change. In order to spend more on advertising , so the companies cost down the expenditure on materials.
Give more ideas to extend, and make coherence between each paragraph.