toefl essay: A large manufacturing plant in the neighbourhood

A factory nearby a community

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

A factory near a community will have an effect on the people and environment. Some people think that a factory will have the advantages for community such as economic advantages, but others believe otherwise. In my opinion, I believe that a factory near a community will have negative impacts on its surrounding ecosystem.

First, wastes from the factory will have the pollution problems. A factory will produce wastes throughout the process of production in the factory. Waste management is one of the important part to reduce pollution effects on the environment. But in some country, weak control from authority will cause the waste management become inefficient. In Indonesia, some regional authorities are not regularly checking on factory's waste management. A factory with lack of conscience and weak supervision from the authority will cause pollution on environment.

Second, process on clearing land and building a factory will have adverse effects on nearby ecosystem. Assembling a factory demands a tremendous process which involves heavy machinery and includes cutting down trees. These process will create a lot of noise, which can disturb surrounding animals. Clearing land will also diminish animal's habitat. All of these activities will threaten ecosystem's balance. Decrease plantation is also one of risk factors that can cause flood and landslide. Flood and landslide will further alter the ecosystem.

In conclusion, a factory nearby a community will have devastating effects. Some people will earn benefits from a factory but in short and long term, it will do more harm to the community and its surrounding if it is not well planned and controlled.

Hi, I have been practicing toefl writing. Please help me rate my writing. Thanks!

@ku3r
Hi. Welcome to the forum. I'll be here to provide you with feedback on your writing. If you have more questions, don't hesitate to approach us again!

First and foremost, your writing is well-crafted. However, I do find that its general flow can still be bettered. Consider trying to incorporate more transition lines to help you with writing. It would also be helpful to your readers if you will assist them in finding the logical link sin your writing. For instance, the first paragraph's first two lines appear to be rather disconnected from each other. I would suggest that you evade situations like this as it can affect the perception of your writing.

Furthermore, the latter portions also need to be worked on. I heavily recommend double checking on the consistency of the form of writing you are using. Your tenses should also be aligned with each other, considering this is one massive chunk of text.

@maria
thank you, I know what you mean. I'll try to improve my writing again. Great advice!