Hi, I'm an exchange student and I am practicing for my final essay. Please check this essay and say your opinion also. Thanks.
The drinking age
Nowadays more and more people seem concerned about the legal drinking age. In order to understand generational views regarding drinks awareness and action, I interviewed my host mother Ann Anderson, age 62, a permit technician at City of Lynnwood, and my best friend Danny Phan, age 18, an exchange student at Green River community college. Interviews with Ann and Danny show conflicting points of views about the legal drinking age, the effects of drinking alcohol, and underage drinking prevention.
First of all, both Ann and Danny agree that the legal drinking age should be lowered, but their view of the legal age is different from each other. Danny disagreed the current legal age in the U.S. He wondered why 21 is the age that makes people intelligent and mature enough to consume alcohol. Why not 18? He said that many observers allow 18 years old to marry, to have children, to own cars, to vote, to pay taxes, and to be socially independent, but not to be legal to drink a glass of wine in a restaurant, or even a glass of champagne at their own wedding; therefore, Danny thinks that the best legal age should be 18. On the other hand, Ann thinks that the legal drinking age should be lowered to 16, not 18. In many developed nations in Europe, people are able to drink beer and wine at 16, but they are only allowed to drive at age of 18. From 16 to 18, teenagers would have two years to be more intelligent to control themselves in drinking and driving, so many problems would be lowered. She said that in her opinion, the legal drinking age should be solved soon.
Additionally, Ann's comments on the effects of drinking alcohol are unlike Danny's. Ann said that she believes that alcohol is good for body if people don't abuse it. She said she often drinks a glass of wine or beer at every dinner, and it helps her digest food easily; even more, she feels healthier when she drinks. She thinks that drinking alcohol might help her lose weight, but drinking too much alcohol could lead to liver cancer. Ann totally agrees that alcohol is linked to crime anyway because when we drink, we cannot be wide-awake, and then we drive a car or differ with somebody about something. Anything could happen, she said that. In contrast, Danny said that he never denies the benefits of drinking alcohol. He believes that we have a lot of fun when we drink, but drinking is very easy to become alcoholism and also affect surrounding people if we drink every day. For example, our children who are underage to drink may want to try to have at least one drink by anyway. This is very bad for their body and perhaps leads to lots of sicknesses later because they are too young to drink.
Finally, Ann and Danny both show their various views on underage drinking prevention. Ann recommended that we need to solve the big problem with drinking under age by stop ignoring it. Also we should start to educate our friends, families, and kids about alcohol abuse and teach them how to drink safely and gradually in moderation. She thinks if we can do these, fewer problems will be present. However, Danny thinks the best way to prevent drinking under age is to contact local and state authorities and tell them how we feel about drinking age limit and how we feel about work that is done so far. He believes that the government would do everything to reduce underage drinking.
All in all, interviews with Ann and Danny on the legal age, the effects of drinking alcohol, and underage drinking prevention showed exactly different views between two generations about drinks awareness and action. Through their interviews I could understand that drinking alcohol is more harm than good. I hope someday people will be more responsible for drinking.
First of all, let me say that it was so very smart of you to interview people of different ages for an essay on this topic. Right away, that demonstrates your creativity and intelligence while also making the essay more interesting to read.
Next, the essay is very well structured, but I would like to see a stronger conclusion. "I hope someday people will be more responsible for drinking" is such a vague statement. Instead, I'd like to see you decisively express your own view on the question of the drinking age and what else, if anything, should be done to encourage people to drink more responsibly.
On the whole, your grammar is very good. I have just a few corrections/suggestions:
You say "drinks awareness" a couple of times. Say "alcohol awareness" instead.
Put quotes around "Anything could happen," if those are the exact words of your interviewee.
...drinking can very easily lead to alcoholism and hurt surrounding people if we drink every day.
Proofread carefully, so that you find errors such as the missing "with" in "Danny disagreed the current legal age in the U.S."
Your conclusion definitely needs a bit more work. In fact, you need to add a thesis statement somewhere near the beginning of your essay that provides your own opinion on the topic, so that you can tie everything else you've said (which is really interesting) back to it. Your problem at the moment is that your essay doesn't support this:
Through their interviews I could understand that drinking alcohol is more harm than good. I hope someday people will be more responsible for drinking.
Both of the people you interviewed believe that the drinking age should be lowered, not exactly a stance that jibes with the idea that drinking is more harmful than otherwise. If anything, your point seems to be that drinking in moderation is perfectly fine, and that drinking only becomes a problem when done to excess, something that is less likely to happen if kids are allowed to do it earlier. You need to either change your conclusion to something along those lines, or else alter your examples to back up the conclusion you have now.
Your revised version is better. You could try this: "Through the interviews, I have come to believe that more and more people are becoming convinced that drinking alcohol should be a matter for teenagers and their parents to handle, rather than the law." That, I think, would at least fit in with what you have written in the body of the essay.
