IELTS writing essay: Should we legalize the right to die?

I am welcomed any comments, both positive or negetive :)

liberty to live and die

Many people considered physician-assisted killing to be inhumane and against God's will. However, in my opinion, people should be given the right to die for the following reasons.

Firstly, the assisted dying is in accordance with body integrity. As an autonomous human, we are entitled to self-determine what to do with our own bodies, including how to live, what to do and how to die. Coercing people to go on living miserably while they want to die is indeed inhumane.

Secondly, physician-assisted dying fulfils the will of terminally ill people to die with dignity. Since they are usually under palliative treatment, their body conditions would gradually deteriorate and eventually lead to death. In addition, families from lower class will be under severe financial and psychological burden from the hospital treatment of their loved ones. This can leave a mental breakdown to the patients. Thus, hastening their death can prevent or put and end to such breakdown from happening to the patients.

Thirdly, even though mercy killing is banned, some would always find a way to execute it, either by refusing medical treatment or going to other countries where such practice is legalized. Those methods are usually more painful or expensive than assisted-dying. Therefore, in my opinion, it is the ban of assisted dying that is unethical and inconsiderate.

In conclusion,while some may render assisted dying as sinful, I strongly believe people have the liberty to die, just as much as the liberty to live and to pursue happiness.

Hi Thuy! I think your essay has decent vocabulary and good arguments. However, there is still room for improvement.

1. Your essay add up to 249 words. I don't think you will get the word count penalty for missing one word, however you should try to write 250-300 word. Generally, a reasonably longer essay allows more space to show off your writing skill and increase your chance to get a higher band.

2. You present 3 points in your argument, therefore for each point you can only write 3-4 sentences, with no examples. This makes your argument weak. It would probably be better if you just choose 2 points and elaborate them so the examiner can better understand your opinion.

3. It is great to vary your keywords. However, you should also try not to use the word, or using it as a noun, which can be a bit repetitive, and put a pressure on you to find a bunch of synonyms.

4. At the end of each paragraph, you write a sentence to (I think) sum up the idea of that paragraph. However they are too general, and essentially the same in all 3 paragraphs. They sound something like this: "I think not allowing assisted dying is bad". I would recommend you to make that sentence sum up the particular argument in just that paragraph, while also linking to the next paragraph. Or you can just save that last sentence for more space to reinforce your argument by giving examples - which your essay lacks.

5. Your opening and closing paragraph should be a bit longer and elaborate. I recommend 3 sentences for the opening paragraph, and 2-3 sentences for the closing paragraph.

Fixing those parts and some grammar errors and you're good to go. If you find my feedback helpful please press like on the upper-right corner!

Nguyen, unless you provide the complete prompt when you post your essay, it will be difficult to do a total review of your writing approach. I do not have any idea what your response method should be and how the presentation should be formatted in the paragraphs. Please remember to supply that information the next time you post an essay for review.

Since you wrote less than 250 words, you will automatically get a penalty for the missing word. That means you will lose a certain amount of points due to writing under the word count. So you have to work harder on the other aspects of the essay to make sure that the single missing word will not mean that your essay will fail the test. You have other errors in the presentation that could affect the overall score as well. That is why you have to make sure that you write at least the minimum word count every time you write a practice test. When you write at least the minimum word count, there is a greater chance you will get a better score for every consideration.

You have word choice errors in the essay. I think this was a mistake that you made while typing into the box. I believe you meant to say "... put an end to such breakdown..." but you accidentally typed "put and end" in that phrase.

I can't go beyond these observations because your review instructions are incomplete. I hope that you will note the necessity of writing the minimum word count for the essay though and be more careful the next time you write your essay. Always read, revise, and review before you submit the essay, even if it is just for a practice test.