Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


IELTS Essay, leisure activities: physical or mental rest



joythblessy 86 / 266  
Nov 21, 2012   #1
Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improves the mind such as reading and doing puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Leisure time activities are important to keep our body and mind healthy. In this world of busy life style it is necessory to use it wisely. Some people feel that it should be for intellictual activities, while others give preferance for mental rest. I feel both have its own importance according to the routine work they are involved.

Undoubtedly, people who are doing hard physical works as a part of their daily work need physical rest. Their free time will be effective if they involve in activities like reading books or listening music. Our brain concentrate to the book or music and we forgot all other things. It helps to regenerate the brain cells and we feel fresh. For instance, a farmer can use his free time effectively by reading newspaper, which not only enhaces his knowledge of day to day affairs, but also, provide physical rest.

On the other hand, people who are angaged in works which leaves mental strains must take mental rest in their free time. If they are lacking physcial exercises and doing sedentory works they can choose out door activities, like partcipating in games. This provide necessory exercises and keep them healthy. Furthermore,it helps to develop their social skillsas they are mingling with others who are in different age groups and social status. The team spirit and positive attitude are important in their daily life. For example a computer programer after a tried full day mental strains, needs physcial activity, and it is better to go for an out door game.

To conclude, leisure time activities gives a break from our daily works and help us to keep a balance between the work and life. The selection of leisure activities should be based of the daily work of the people. Physical work needed for those who are more physically involved and mental rest is necessory for those who are engaged in mentaly straining jobs.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Nov 23, 2012   #2
Leisure time activities are important to keep our body and mind healthy.

.... very good opeining : )

In this world of busy life style it is necessory to use it wisely.

not so good : ( ... :D
My suggestion;
However, not everybody use their leisure time wisely.

Good introduction ! It follows the expected structure. : )

people who are doing hard physical works as a part of their daily work need physical rest

... the word ''work'' is being repeated... try another like ''routine''
OP joythblessy 86 / 266  
Nov 24, 2012   #3
Hai dumi...

Thanks for yor help..
I am totally agreeing with your suggestions.
1 st suggestion :
When i read the sentance seperately, i feel you are exactly right.

Thanks once again..
dumi 1 / 6793  
Nov 24, 2012   #4
Hi joythblessy,

I think you write very well... Also your essay structure is in well conformity with the expected one for this task. With practice you can do really well : )

I found a few places that I thought of highlighting... however, your essay is very good and your come out with very convincing reasons that are well supported by candid examples : )


Our brain concentrate to the book or music and we forgot all other things. It helps to regenerate the brain cells and we feel fresh.

-------------- Here, I think you better tell that these activities would bring the mental relaxation to the person.

On the other hand, people who are ae ngaged in administration and office workswhich leaves mental strainsthat occupy their brain extensively busy, must takegive a break to the brain by allowing the mind to relax duringmental rest their free time.

small typo :D

leisure time activities gives

---------- activity gives/ activities give


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay, leisure activities: physical or mental rest
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳