Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


o levels: narrative a story in which an interview is important



mrfrank 2 / 3  
Oct 9, 2011   #1
This is my second go at a narrative essay so could you tell me how i could improve it.
write a story in which an interview is important

IT had been a week since I had graduated from my university and was finally able to do my master's in business administration. I had been studying for several years to achieve this goal and though my parent's couldn't afford such expensive education ,they had worked tirelessly so that I could go to one of the best institutions. I was devoted to pay back my parent's for all their blood and sweat.

Now my aim was to find a job in which I could support both myself and my parent's with ease and this was not an easy task. I downloaded multiple job application form's but none of them was ready to pay me the amount I had demanded. Tired and fed up, the thought of leaving town and going to some other city would be the best choice. Just as I was glancing out my window and thinking of an answer I saw something that made me smile wide open.

Out the window, I saw the newly constructed building of Richard Inc., a very popular and devoted company which was well known for its caring attitude towards its employees. I quickly went online to find if they where hiring and it may have been my lucky day as they were! I quickly filled out the application forms and sent them right away. I received an email from them in which they wanted to take an interview of me first. I was really excited though the interview thing was kind of a nerve wrecker but I knew that I had to get this job to start a better life

The next few days I'd spend time practicing and trying to become more confident .I would often call my friends so that they could judge me and it seemed like a great idea as if boosted my morale. The week went by quickly and before we knew it Monday had arrived.

Even though I was well prepared for this moment my heart began to pound out as I entered the building. Bad thoughts and feeling began to arise but I tried to keep myself calm.my stomach started growling even though I had a heavy breakfast and my hands began shaky. I knew I had worked hard or this and I was not ready to let my nerves get the best of me so I took a deep breathe and entered the office of the CEO.

I greeted him and sat down in front of him. He seemed like a man who meant business but when he started talking to me in a polite manner I could see that he was a really nice guy.this helped in rebuilding my confidence and I became more frank with the guy.

"so why do you want this job Harris?"he asked while he poured he a cup of tea.
"well my family had always worked hard for me and they had poured all there money for me so that I could get the best education. Now i think it's my turn to help them". I explained

he told me that he liked my enthusiasm and style and was really impressed by my devotion to my parents. I was told that I would be informed later if I had gotten the job.

The next week I only thought about one thing, was my future secured or not? This thought kept gliding in my mind and after a week went by without a response I doubted that I would be hired but on morning I received a letter from the firm in which they said that it would be an honour if I joined them. I was over joyed and called my parents, telling them the good new's.they felt excited for me and now I knew that I was meant to do this, this job was made for me. I knew that this was all due to my parents and gave them a nice hug when I met them.

i would be looking forward for your help guys and please tell me asap

Leah_Writer - / 46  
Oct 12, 2011   #2
I think this is definitely a strong narrative and will fulfill the prompt of a narrative essay. I think the ending could be stronger, with some sort of sentence to sum up what the story means to you or how it effected you. Also, you should read through for grammatical errors, especially comma mistakes and apostrophes, since I spotted several of those kinds of errors. In terms of the content, I think it is great! You could dress it up a little by adding some great adjectives and more specific verbs, like replacing the word "bad" in "bad thoughts and feelings" with a more evocative word. In general, though, I think you're definitely on the right track and this is a good narrative. Good luck!


Home / Writing Feedback / o levels: narrative a story in which an interview is important
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳