Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

IELTS: limited resources, infrastructure; traditional house vs modern apartment?


samkmas 3 / 5  
Apr 30, 2014   #1
Please revise my essay.

Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

If I was asked what is your choice between living in a traditional house and a modern apartment building, my choice is to live in a modern apartment building. Though I haven't ever lived in a traditional house, there are several reasons for me to select living in a modern apartment building.

First of all, I am going to describe a number of disadvantages for living in a traditional house. When we live in a traditional house, the resources we relied on are limited, such as the water supply, electricity supply and food supply. The infrastructure built around the building will be much more difficult when we aren't living in urban areas and the relative cost raises a lot higher correspondingly. So this brings inconvenience for our living habit we used to accustom to. If we want to living in a traditional house, we must prohibit using a great deal of consumer electrics since the electric supply in rural areas is not always stable. And the internet may be not so prevalent too, so the connection between the local and outside world is lesser than the normal. Contrary to the inconvenience, we can enjoy the serenity, freshness of air and the slow pace of living.

Being lived in a modern apartment building, we can have a broader view of the modern world. Since we live in an urban area, the infrastructure is quite satisfactory. There is always a local library, a clinic center, supermarket market and a shopping centre around the modern apartment building. So we will always feel content than living in a rural area when we got sick, want to go shopping, buy a dinner or staple or read the latest magazines or books. Besides, living in a modern building can have more entertainment since cinemas, libraries and some theme parks can only build in the large city, as small village cannot fulfill the requirement of daily expenses due to a lack of expected attendance. As for me, these advantages outweigh the disadvantages of living in a modern building such as the air pollutions, interferences like dogs barking in mid-night, and a long distance between the working place and home.

To conclude, living in a traditional house is a misery to me. I am used to live in a modern apartment and feel comfortable with it too. I don't mind living in a traditional house in a short period of time, but I cannot withstand its inconvenience when I have to face it for a long time.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 30, 2014   #2
Perhaps, you may start analyzing the prompt, like this:

Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building?

Focus on the central topic

Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

This is a task that should be accomplished

Here, we take a closer look at the part of your intro.

If I was asked what is your choice between living in a traditional house and a modern apartment building, my choice is to live in a modern apartment building. Though I haven't ever lived in a traditional house, there are several reasons for me to select living in a modern apartment building.

This is good, but shows complexity.

Let me give a try for the intro:
House is a place where most people spend their whole life. While some people claim that a traditional house preserves more privacy, some others argue that a modern house has an ideal location, which is mostly found in business and commercial activities. However, I would support that the traditional ones are more comforting, convenient, and peaceful.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS: limited resources, infrastructure; traditional house vs modern apartment?