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'fast-changing environments'; traditional house vs modern apartment building?


Keng 39 / 134  
Dec 5, 2009   #1
Please revise my essay. I really feedback to improve the writng skill.
I have not written an preference essay for couple months, and i am not sure whether it is a good organization. Any problems with the introduction.

Thank you.

The question is that

Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

Both traditional house and modern apartment buildings boast different characteristics. Ones of the traditional house is a local way of life, but ones of the modern apartment is a new lifestyle. I prefer the second choice.

If you stay in the traditional house, you have to live a frugal and economical life. Many elder people who stay in this house always do not have luxurious things such as car and diamond. They do not spend a lot of money buying them, but purchase basic necessities like food, medicine and shelter. When entering this kind of house, you will see many things old covered with dust. To illustrate, my grandfather aged 88 years old live in a dark and old house in my hometown. He does not want me to buy any modern things. He lives an ascetic life with his dog, relaxing himself in an orchard in the afternoon and catching fish in a canal before dinner.

However, if you choose to live in a modern apartment, you have to live a luxurious and comfortable life. In this house, there are many electrical appliances such as refrigerator, television and radio which you cannot have if staying in the traditional house. Moreover, you have to other tools such as computers and play stations which are a way of entertainment for people living in a city.

For me, if I decide to stay in the modern apartment, i can to adapt to fast-changing environments of a global society. I always have many peers who always go to visit me during the holiday; therefore, I really need a house to accommodate and make them happy. Moreover, during the university life, I want a house which has computers, a wireless internet and television to keep abreast with the current situation around the world.

In conclusion, there are many benefits that the two houses provide. It depends on the life purpose. As a student, i really want to have the modern house to expose myself to the world's present situations with which I have to encounter.

EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Dec 6, 2009   #2
This essay doesn't make a lot of sense. [/b]
[b]

If you stay in the traditional house, you have to live a frugal and economical life.
Why??

When entering this kind of house, you will see many things old covered with dust.Apartments get dusty too!!

...n this house, there are many electrical appliances such as refrigerator, television and radio which you cannot have if staying in the traditional house.Why not?! Of COURSE you can!!

...tools such as computers and play stations which are a way of entertainment for people living in a city.They also have these in the country.
OP Keng 39 / 134  
Dec 6, 2009   #3
This is the first time i have written an preference essay. There are a lot of problems.

Right now, i have the clue which help me improve my writing this essay a lot.

I will try a new essay with strong points.

Thank you.


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