Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

[IELTS task 1] The line chart compares the demand for 4 different types of meat and fish


christian281 1 / 1  
Nov 14, 2021   #1

FISH AND MEAT CONSUMPTION



The line chart compares the demand for 4 different types of meat and fish in a European country over the period between 1979 and 2004.

It can be seen clearly from the chart that the overall trend was downward, as the level of consumption for three of four types dropped during the period shown, at different rates. In particular, there were dramatic decreases for lamb and beef, while fish saw a comparatively slight drop. By contrast, the demand for chicken boomed, going from 3rd to the highest at the end of the period.

The consumption of beef began the period with the highest, at over 220 grams per person per week. In 1984, it stayed at almost the previous same amount, after experiencing several periods of solid up and down. The figure dramatically dropped and hit its trough in 1999 (100 grams per person per week), before recovering gradually to over 120 grams at the end of the period. In contrast, chicken started in the 3rd place, with the weekly amount of 140 grams per person, but rosed remarkably and hit its peak at over 260 grams in 2002. Its demand then fell moderately until finished up in 2004 with the highest consumed level of 250 grams.

Turning to lamb, a citizen in the country ate over 150 grams of lamb per week in 1979, but the demand decreased by 30% after 20 years to about 60 grams. It then ended the period at the same amount. Similarly, fish consumption slightly decreased from 70 to 50 grams in the first 3 years before stalling at around 50 grams until the end of the period.



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,000 3875  
Nov 15, 2021   #2
A task 1 essay is just a simple summary and report presentation. It should be completed in no more than 200 words. The writing time allowand is only 20 minutes. The way this presentation was completed will need 40 minutes to complete. The analysis cannot be finished within the actual time setting. The writing -tries too hard to be intricate. Relying on the over-writing to make up for logic and analysis. Exaggerated term usage takes the place of a straightforward report. Emotional presentations work only in the opinion based task 2 essays.

The writer has a pretty good report somewhere in this essay. He just tends to unnecessarily expand the presentation, without time limit considerations, which is a mistake.
greencoconut 3 / 4 1  
Nov 16, 2021   #3
I think it'd be better if you analyzed it more simply. For instance: the proportion of beef plunged in the first few years by x grams till 1981 from the initial point of y grams, before showing a rise to peak at z grams in...After that, it fluctuated downward and finished the survey at m grams
OP christian281 1 / 1  
Nov 17, 2021   #4
@Holt
Thank you very much! I have combined my writing style from many sources, and I've always tried to take all good points from their report so sometimes I feel overwhelmed with that, it's a mistake I wish I could improve. Btw, thanks for your advice, I'll consider it carefully

@greencoconut
Thank you very much! I really appreciate the sentences you gave, they seem to be simple and logical, which are all I need and try to practice every day, I've always tried to make my report more complicated. Hope I can improve that!


Home / Writing Feedback / [IELTS task 1] The line chart compares the demand for 4 different types of meat and fish